


Flashback Fics- The Oneshots Collection

by ttfan111robstar1



Series: Daddy's Boy [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: Anorexia Nervosa, Diapers, Eating Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Honesty, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Injury, Little!Blaine, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, Pacifiers, Slushies, Spanking, Time Out, daddy!kurt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:53:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21599491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ttfan111robstar1/pseuds/ttfan111robstar1
Summary: Collection of one shot fics centered around Kurt and Blaine's high school years involving age play. A slight AU in the Daddy's Boy series.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Series: Daddy's Boy [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1553002
Comments: 9
Kudos: 41





	1. Spankings

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Price For Rotten Judgment](https://archiveofourown.org/works/359577) by [theworldwhispers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theworldwhispers/pseuds/theworldwhispers). 



> This work and the next chapter in it were inspired by the first two works in the "Let Me Call You Sweetheart" series by TheWorldWhispers.
> 
> This story is for Pip, who always helps me with my writing, even when they're fandoms he isn't a part of. This one's for you, Pip. You're the best friend my Klaine shipper heart needs, and I'm so thankful for you.
> 
> Happy Thanksgiving all!

There were very few things that could arouse Kurt Hummel’s anger. Bad fashion was one, gay bashing was another, anyone taking aim at his family was high up there, but the top of the list was anyone attempting to steal Blaine from him. So when he first saw Sebastian Smythe, he hated him with a kind of vitriol he only reserved for the fiercest of diva numbers.

But when Blaine, of all people, gives Sebastian their songs, an entirely new level of anger he was unfamiliar with had gone through him.

Blaine is holding Kurt’s hand now. Normally, it’s in a romantic gesture. This time it’s because Kurt is taking him from the Lima Bean so quickly he fears losing him. He can feel his heart pounding in his chest, clanging like a fire bell because Kurt is _angry_ , and to know that Kurt is angry at _him_ is just about the worst thing he can imagine. Kurt’s face is as smooth as the porcelain Sue Sylvester nicknamed it for, but Blaine can see the anger there. Kurt’s mouth is pursed, jaw slightly clenched, and he is gripping Blaine’s hand so tightly Blaine is sure the circulation will be cut off. But he doesn’t ask Kurt to let go, because he fears that too much.

Kurt’s face is impeccable. There’s no trace of the roiling anger underneath the surface, no indicator to passers by that something is wrong. And that’s how he wants and needs it. No scene should be made here. That would be saved for later, behind closed doors.

Blaine grows more anxious as the minutes tick on. His tongue traces his teeth over and over again, counting them for posterity. He wished he could have his thumb in his mouth, or his favorite Paci to help him not feel so scared of what’s to come. He knows he’s in big trouble. His punishment, though, would likely be worse than what his mind could conjure up.

They go to the Hummel-Hudson household. Kurt goes up the stairs with Blaine trailing behind him. Kurt’s room is across from Finn’s, and the door to Finn’s room is open. As he passes by, Finn turns around in his chair to wave to his Brother. Kurt raises two fingers to Finn. Finn, in understanding of the gesture, nods. The two brothers have a silent code worked out for when their parents are home. Flashing that sign meant that they were not to be disturbed, and to cover for the other to their parents. Simple, easy, and effective. Normally for either of them, it would be for sexual purposes. Not this time.

Kurt takes Blaine into his room, shuts the door, and locks it. The sound of the lock clicking seems to echo like the shutting of a prison door in a jail. Kurt doesn’t look at Blaine yet. He moves to sit on his bed, while Blaine stands there looking vulnerable and scared. Kurt finally looks at him, and cocks his head to one side, either waiting for him to try and explain himself, or trying to figure out what to do with him.

It’s taking everything Blaine has not to sob. He feels so exposed and awful, more naked than any time they’d ever made love. He disappointed Kurt. No- He disappointed _Daddy_ and it’s the worst feeling in the world to him. He knows he hurt him and he can’t fix it. The thought is enough to make him begin to cry, and he sticks his thumb in his mouth to suck on while he whimpers.  
  
Kurt’s face is still oh so smooth, and gives nothing away. He doesn’t look concerned as he normally does when Blaine cries. He knows why Blaine is crying now, and as far as Kurt is concerned, it’s a good reason to be. He knows Blaine is beating himself up for what he did, and as much as Kurt hates to admit it to himself, he takes a tiny bit of pleasure in the fact that he won’t have to do all the work here. They’d had discussions about not talking to Sebastian before. But this time, a line has been crossed. This time, something must be done.

Blaine is crying quietly still, and can’t bring himself to look at Daddy. Disappointing Daddy was far worse than making him angry, and Blaine knows that he disappointed Daddy this time. He doesn’t know how to atone for his mistakes. Part of him wants to run to Daddy and wrap him in a hug, say sorry over and over again until Daddy finally says he knows and still loves him, but he can’t do that. Because Daddy hasn’t said anything, and when Daddy doesn’t say anything, it’s better for Blaine if he waits for instructions on what to doso he didn’t anger Daddy further.

Kurt crosses his legs and wraps his arms around one knee, looking at Blaine, now baby, as if he’s performing the most interesting one-man show in history. He’s making a quiet judgement now, of what to say and when to say it. But he knows he has to choose carefully. Kurt moves a bit, straightening himself so that his words carry authority. This is not Kurt Hummel, boyfriend of Blaine Anderson. This is Daddy, ready to deal with Baby’s transgressions.  
  
“Baby.” The word is spoken softly, but Blaine stops crying as if it had been a shout. He looks at Daddy, nervous and scared. Daddy is looking at him now, but his gaze is very cold. “Sit down. Quietly.” Comes the command. Blaine begins to walk over to him, but Kurt holds up a hand. “In front of me, baby. Not beside. Not yet.” He corrects. Blaine drops to the floor so fast he has to bite back a hiss of pain from the impact his bottom made with it.

Kurt leans down, lifting Blaine’s lowered chin to make him look at him. “Why is Daddy disappointed in you, baby? You can speak.” He asked. The tone is so very sweet but the words hurt so badly that it takes everything Blaine has not to cry again. But he knows better than to disobey a direct order.  
  
“I gave Sebastian our songs, and I did it while talking to him without Daddy there.” They’re whispers, barely-there admissions of guilt, but they’re there.  
  
“That’s right, sweetheart. And do you know why Daddy is disappointed instead of angry?”  
  
Blaine can’t help the sob that comes out that time at the word “Disappointed”. But he answers because he has to. “‘Cause we talked about Sebastian lots before.”  
  
“That’s right.” He nods. “Why is it dangerous for you to talk to Sebastian by yourself, baby?”  
  
Blaine knows this by heart, as well as he knows the lines to _West Side Story_. “Because I’m too little, and because Sebastian wants to take me away from you, Daddy.”

“You know Sebastian wants to take you away from Daddy, baby. You just told me so without needing any help to remember. So why did you talk to him?”  
  
Something Blaine doesn’t expect is in that sentence- _hurt_. He couldn’t stop himself from crying that time. He’d hurt Daddy and made him sad. He’s crying so hard he can’t force the words out. Kurt puts a hand on his shoulder to steady him, an affectionate gesture- the first since they’d left the Lima Bean. It sparks hope inside of Blaine. Maybe all was not lost after all.  
  
It all comes pouring out so quickly he can’t stop it. “Because I thought he was my friend, Daddy! I know he was mean and that I’m not ‘apposed to talk to him but I thought we could be friends! I didn’t mean to be bad, Daddy! I didn’t mean to make you sad! I’m sorry!”  
  
To his surprise, and perhaps to Kurt’s too, Kurt pulls him into a hug. He rubs Blaine’s back as he cries, trying to calm him down so they can have the discussion they need to have. But they won’t get anywhere until Blaine is calm. So Kurt pulls him into his lap to hold him, and Blaine buries his face in Kurt’s neck, sobbing the whole time. The gasping way Blaine is breathing is what Kurt needs to get under control before it transpires into a panic attack. Holding him is usually the best thing for that.

After a time, Blaine’s breathing gets under control. Daddy’s ministrations of back-rubbing, hushing, and humming always worked to calm him down. Daddy hadn’t said anything purposefully, he knew, so that he would understand they were not done. But this, at least, showed him that Daddy still loved him. That makes him feel a tiny bit better.  
  
When Blaine is cried out, Kurt moves his face to make him look at him. “Daddy knows you’re sorry baby. And Daddy forgives you. But we aren’t done talking about this, okay?” He says in a soothing tone. Blaine sniffles, and nods. He knew it wouldn’t be that easy. “Now, I understand that you’re sorry. But this is very important baby. Daddy’s friends are upset too. I’m sorry, but you need to understand that what you did was wrong.”  
  
Kurt is almost certain Blaine will restart his tears, but he doesn’t. He just nods. It’s all the confirmation Kurt needs to proceed with his plan. “In the corner, baby. Five minutes. No talking.” He says, helping Blaine up and leading him there. Blaine dutifully sticks his nose in the corner and keeps it there. He’s not crying now, because hearing that Daddy knows he’s sorry and forgives him takes a lot of the fear away. But now he’s thinking about what he did wrong, and is trying to figure out what he can do to never do that again.

Kurt sits, staring at his watch to make sure five minutes passes on the dot. No more, no less. He’s always very exact with the time when he puts Blaine into time out, because he knows Blaine will think he got off easy if it’s too much less, or that he was angrier with him than he was when there’s more time involved. The room is deathly quiet during those five minutes, and no sound is heard even from Finn’s room across the hall.  
  
Finn knows about this arrangement. With he and Kurt living in the same house, there aren’t many things kept secret between them. Kurt knows when he and Rachel fool around in his room at night, because he covers for them with their parents by distracting them. Likewise, he’s had Finn be his watchdog for if their parents get home early from a date so they can have Daddy and Baby time. Finn knows it isn’t sexual, and he minds his business and doesn’t comment on it. But Kurt knows this time is is different, because Finn will be expecting something to happen in light of both of the events of today. Kurt knows he can count on his brother to cover for him if things get a bit difficult.  
  
Kurt knows what he has to do now. He doesn’t like it, and he knows Blaine certainly won’t like it, but it has to be done. He crosses the room over to Blaine. “You have two minutes left, baby. Daddy will be right back to get you. He just needs a minute with Uncle Finn, okay? Nod for me.”  
  
Blaine nods, and Kurt moves across the hallway, knocking on his brother’s open door. Finn turns at his desk.  
  
“Hey Kurt. Everything okay?” Finn asks, seeing the look on Kurt’s face.  
  
“Not really. Can you do me a favor and turn on your music? Something loud that could drown out noise?”  
  
“Yeah, sure man. Are you gonna…?”  
  
Kurt nods. “Yes.”  
  
Finn has heard some of what goes on during their Daddy and Baby time simply by virtue of living across the hall, and he knows the reason why Kurt’s asking him this. It doesn’t make it any easier for him to think about, but if Kurt thought it had to be done, then he’d oblige. He turned to his stereo, and began blasting “Highway To Hell” by AC/DC to drown out the crying that was sure to come.  
  
Kurt mouthed a thank you to his stepbrother, before going back to his room to get Blaine from his time out. Blaine hasn’t moved a muscle since he left, which is good. He checks his watch, and at five minutes on the dot, he sits down on the bed and tells Blaine his time out is over. Blaine turns around, but says nothing, waiting for Daddy to instruct him on what to do.  
  
“Come here, baby.” Kurt says, patting his lap. He knows Blaine knows this is coming. It doesn’t make it easier on him when he hears Blaine whimper before obeying. Even over Finn’s music, he hears that sound, because his ears have trained themselves to listen for it so that he can be sure Blaine isn’t regressing in public and if he is, he can get them to a private space so they can have the time they need together.

Blaine shuffles his way there, trying to drag it out as long as he dares. He knows that outright disobedience will lead to a worse punishment. Even then, he still doesn’t like it. Still, he obliges and goes over to Daddy, awaiting his next instructions.  
  
“Pants and boxers down.” Kurt’s voice is normal, but the tone is unmistakably commanding. Blaine goes too fast for his own liking, but probably pleased Daddy by doing it that fast. Then, feeling bare, he lies over Daddy’s lap before Daddy even asks. He knows what is expected of him, and getting it over with will be better than putting it off. Daddy adjusts him to fit his liking, and he lets out a shiver at the cool air of the room.  
  
Kurt runs a hand down Blaine’s back. “You’ve made some bad decisions today, sweetheart. You know what they are. They don’t make you a bad boy, but they were naughty choices. Normally Daddy would just have you in time out, but this is a very special case. Our most important rule is that you don’t talk to Sebastian, and we’ve been over it many times. Breaking that rule is not okay, and this is a reminder that you don’t ever break it, okay? Answer me."  
  
“Yes, Daddy.”  
  
Kurt nods. “Good boy. You know the rules. Count for me. Because you were a good boy and did your time out nicely, I’ll only give you twenty spanks. Ten for breaking our most important rule, and ten for giving our songs away to Sebastian. Understood?”  
  
Blaine just nods.

“Count for me.” Kurt says, and raises his hand to begin. Blaine doesn’t look back, but knows it’s coming from pure instinct. The first spank lands with a _smack!_ And he almost bucks off Daddy’s lap in surprise, but counts. “One.”  
  
two and three are connected, not even a pause between them, and Blaine says the numbers through his teeth. “Two, three.”  
  
Four leaves a handprint that Kurt can see, but the handprint disappears at five and six with how red Blaine is becoming. He moves down to Blaine’s sit spot, and does seven and eight, Blaine counting obediently all the while.  
  
Blaine is clawing at the bed, trying to grip it as an outlet for his pain. He cannot make noise. He knows if he does it will result in more spanks being added. He claws at Kurt’s comforter. He has to resist the urge to stuff it in his mouth to shut himself up as nine lands, and then ten hits his thigh and he almost yelps.  
  
Kurt pauses to kiss Blaine’s gelled hair. “Halfway there, sweetheart. You’re being a very good boy.” He says in a gentle croon. He knows Blaine needs reassurance right now, even during punishments.

The reassurance and kiss somehow takes a bit of Blaine’s pain away, just in time for eleven to land. Blaine accidentally bites his tongue in the process and tastes copper pennies in his mouth. The realization that he might have drawn blood comes just in time for twelve and thirteen, with just enough of a pause in between for him to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself further.  
  
Fourteen lands with more of an audible sound than actual pain. Nothing short of a miracle.  
  
“Fifteen.” Blaine says as tears stream down his face like rain. Kurt’s voice comes into his ear.  
  
“Five more, baby. Five more than we’re done and you can make noise again.”  
  
Blaine nods, just as sixteen and seventeen hit together. His legs go up in the air on reflex until Daddy lowers them back down. Eighteen hurts so much he almost hopes he dies just to make the pain stop. There’s a pause between that one and nineteen. Perhaps Daddy decided to end it early?  
  
He was swiftly proven wrong when nineteen came and made him try and buck off Daddy’s lap again.  
  
The last one came down, one last smack to the thigh, and then it was over.  
  
Blaine’s bottom was glowing red, from the tops of his cheeks down to his thighs. When the last spank had been delivered, Blaine finally broke out into the hysterics he’d wanted to do since the first spank landed. He wailed earnestly, as Kurt flipped him over in his lap to hold him close and tell him that it was over and everything was forgiven now.  
  
“I’m sooooorry, Daaaaddy!” Came the wailed apology.  
  
Kurt gives him a kiss. “I know, sweet boy. Daddy forgives you.” He promises. “Now, stand up so Daddy can take the sting away.”  
  
Blaine obliges that, despite the pain it causes. After spankings Daddy always put what he thought of as “Magic cream” onto his bottom to make the pain go away. Not completely, of course, but mostly.  
  
Kurt grabs the bottle of aspercreme with lidocaine in it from his dresser. He lathered his hands with it, before rubbing it on Blaine’s bottom to make sure the worst of the pain was gone. Ever the believer in poetic things, he liked to think the aspercreme symbolized his forgiveness taking Blaine’s internal pain away.  
  
Blaine relaxes significantly as the cream takes effect, and then allows Kurt to pull up his boxers and pants, despite still having some pain to tolerate. He’s still crying, but now that it’s over, they’re tears of relief. Kurt sits on the bed and pulls Blaine to his lap carefully, making sure his little boy can hide his face in his neck if he should choose to do so, and begins to sing to him. When he feels Blaine’s body sag against him, he knows he’s forgiven for the spanking.

Kurt holds him a long time, giving his boy kisses, love, and affection galore. It truly frightened him to think that Sebastian wanted to take what was most precious to him away. But one look at Blaine’s face always reassures him that what they have is untouchable. Nobody will ever know his little boy the way he does. Nobody will ever love him as much as he does. Blaine knows that.  
  
They’d have to deal with the fallout of all this at some point. Time would restart when they left this room, and they’d have to figure out what to do about Blaine giving their songs away. But for now, in this room, everything was okay again, and that’s all they needed to know.


	2. Slushied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine slips into his little space after an injury.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during and after the Slushie incident in "Michael".
> 
> A fic inspired by/a reduxed version of "In Which Blaine Slips Up" by The World Whispers. Because I love that fic but I would have totally changed a few things.
> 
> Slight AU from this series' canon because the Glee Club finds out about Blaine's little space here.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

It happens entirely in slow motion.  
  
Blaine is pushing Kurt out of the way, as Sebastian throws a slushie at him. The slushie is as red as blood, but he isn’t going to let Sebastian ruin Kurt’s clothes. He knows how much Kurt loves his clothes, and he also knows that this whole dance off is his fault. If he hadn’t let it slip to Sebastian about their set list, they wouldn’t be here. Sebastian wanted him, and it’s not fair that Kurt has to take his lumps because of that.  
  
But then, the Slushie hits him and he’s screaming on the cold cement of the parking garage, face looking bloody. His skin is on fire, and his _eye._ Oh, his eye was burning and feeling like it was going to explode as he writhed in pain on the ground, unable to do anything but scream.  
  
Kurt snaps around to the sight of Blaine shrieking and squirming on the ground, and an icy stab of fear goes through him, so strong it takes his breath away as he drops down beside Blaine, pulling him into his arms, and glaring up at Sebastian with the utmost rage. If Sebastian had been stupid enough to get near Blaine, he would have cold cocked him in the face without a second thought. But Blaine needed him more.  
  
“Blaine? Baby, what’s wrong?” He asks as calmly as he can manage, but his concern betrays him.  
  
“It burns!” Comes the shriek.  
  
“Let me see your eye, sweetheart. I need to see.”  
  
“No!” It was a wail of anguish. “Please no, Daddy!”

Just like that, Kurt’s world stopped.

Just like that, Blaine was gone and Baby was there.  
  
Just like that, he had a choice to make. One that could change their relationship with their classmates forever.

He knew what Blaine needed now. What he didn’t know was if he could bring himself to do it with all of New Directions staring at him. But one look at Blaine at that moment, and hearing the sound of those screams drowned out his fear for what they all would think.

Kurt straightened himself. He had to remind himself that Blaine needed this, because he didn’t want to speak to his baby this way when he was so obviously in pain. But he would do what he had to do. His posture changed, and as it did, so did he. He went from boyfriend to Daddy with just the straightening of the spine.  
  
“Baby. I’m not going to ask again.” It was a warning.  
  
Blaine lowered his hand away, sniffling, as Kurt looked down at him. “Open your eye, sweetheart."  
  
“Please!”  
  
“I know it hurts, baby, but you need to open so Daddy can see if you got anything in it that’s making it hurt more.” He soothed.  
  
Blaine whimpered in his arms. Then, he tried opening it, but could only manage to do it for two seconds before closing it.  
  
Kurt let out a soft gasp and pulled Blaine closer in a tight hug. He looked to Finn. “Get an ambulance here now. His eye… It’s not normal. There’s no way it’s normal.”  
  
Finn fumbles to get his phone out, dialing 911.  
  
Kurt can feel the stares, but he doesn’t care about them. The only one that he cares about is Blaine, still sobbing as hard as ever. Kurt pulls him closer and rubs his back, beginning to hum “Man In The Mirror” to him to try and calm him. It isn’t long before he hears the rest of the glee club joining in a show of solidarity for their fallen member.

Blaine didn’t stop crying, but the squirming began to slow. Kurt held him close, wiping the slushie from his face with a tissue stolen from Rachel.  
  
“That’s better.” He said softly, kissing Blaine’s mercifully unscratched forehead.

Blaine was still crying, soft sobs, as they waited for the ambulance. But they were from pain now rather than fear. Daddy didn’t leave him. Daddy stayed. Daddy wasn’t letting go. That was all he wanted. All the music was pretty too, and it reminded him of when Daddy sang him to sleep.  
  
“Daddy?” Came the tearful question.  
  
“Yes, baby?” He asked softly, stroking Blaine’s gelled hair.  
  
“I want Maggie.” Came the whine.  
  
“I know, sweetheart. We can’t get Maggie right now, though. We need to get you to the hospital.” He said softly.

That got another sob from Blaine, and Kurt held him tighter.  
  
“Shhh.” Kurt said, feeling helpless. He could only do his best to calm his boy down, and that was all he could do.  
  
Blaine sobbed. He knew Daddy was trying hard to help him be a good boy, but he couldn’t be a good boy. He couldn’t stop crying, and he knew it was making Daddy sad and that made _him_ sad.  
  
The flashing of lights and sound of sirens wailing drowned out Blaine’s sobbing, and they all turned to see an ambulance coming toward them. A pair of EMT’s jumped out, starting to run toward them. The Warblers had left sometime in between, unable to watch the deterioration of their former leader.  
  
Kurt turns to look at Blaine quickly. “The ambulance is here, sweetheart. You’ll be all better soon, okay? Daddy will talk to them for you. Don’t worry, sweet boy. It’s going to be okay.”  
  
“Don’t leave me Daddy!”  
  
“Daddy’s not leaving, sweetheart. I promise.” Kurt said, his voice wavering from the weight of the promise.

The EMT’s rushed over to Blaine, and Kurt hurriedly began to tell the story.  
  
“His name is Blaine Anderson, he’s seventeen years old. He got a slushie to the face but there was something in it, and we don’t know what. He kept saying it burned.”  
  
“And who are you?” Asked one of them, wrapping a blood pressure cuff around Blaine’s arm.  
  
“Kurt Hummel. Boyfriend. His family is all out of town.” He answered.  
  
“Is there anyone he wants us to call?”  
  
“I’ll call his family when we get there.”  
  
One of the EMT’s tried to look at his eye, but Blaine slapped a hand over his eye, sobbing and trying not to let it open.  
  
Kurt immediately took charge. “Blaine, you need to let them take a look.” He said, using his authoritative voice.  
  
Blaine relented immediately. The EMT’s took a look just as Blaine began screaming again from the pain.

Kurt shut his eyes at the piercing sound, but continued to try and soothe Blaine’s pain.  
  
“If there was something in that slushie, it would have been rock salt, most likely.”  
  
“Rock salt? Seriously?” Kurt says, astonished.  
  
“It would make the eye burn as you described. It looks like he’ll need surgery. His cornea is deeply scratched.”  
  
“Surgery?” The word comes out breathless. Somehow the EMT hears him, and nods.

“In the meantime, we’ll need to get him to the hospital to flush his eye.”  
  
“Okay. I’m coming with you."  
  
“You can’t ride along, Kid. You’re not family.”  
  
“Well I’m all he’s got right now and if you take him from me then he’ll get hysterical. His family is out of town.” Says Kurt tersely. “Please,” It comes out lower. “Don’t make him do this alone.”

The EMT sighs. “Fine. Come on.”  
  
Kurt’s heart leaps a little in his chest at that, and suddenly he’s running. _They’re_ running, Blaine on a gurney and him holding his hand beside him. But his hand slips out of Blaine’s, and Blaine jolts up on the gurney, beginning to scream with the kind of agony that he envisioned belonging to those tortured in dark basements.  
  
He moves to hold his hand again, and the screams cease. It proves a point, that Blaine won’t be alright without him, even if it was unintentional. They get into the ambulance, and the doors slam shut. The EMT’s hook Blaine up to a heart monitor, but Kurt looks out the window, and sees the faces of his friends, all worried, as they grew tinier in his view.  
  
The EMT’s get out the equipment to flush Blaine’s eye. Kurt starts explaining to Blaine about what will happen, so he won’t be so afraid.  
  
“Sweetheart, they’re going try getting the salt from your eye, okay?”  
  
“Please no!”  
  
“Yes. We need to get that out, and then your eye won’t hurt as much.” He said quietly but authoritatively.  
  
Blaine let out another sob, but didn’t try and fight. Didn’t at least, until the eye flushing began. Kurt was sure his ears were bleeding from the shrill shrieking of his baby. Those screams would haunt his nightmares for a long time, but mainly because they consisted of one word.  
  
“Daddy!”  
  
It was all Kurt could do not to cry. Seeing his baby in that level of distress was ripping at his soul. The only reason he was keeping it together at that point was because Blaine needed him to be together or else he would fall apart.  
  
He keeps talking to Blaine, trying to keep him calm, but it just isn’t working. Blaine is too far gone and too deep in to try and control himself anymore. Kurt sighs, and just lets it happen. There isn’t much he could do at that point to help.  
  
As they round the corner toward the hospital, the EMT’s look at him.  
  
“We need to take him to get the rock salt removed."  
  
“Okay.” Kurt nods. “Can I come?”  
  
“Sorry, but it’s not allowed.”  
  
Kurt swallows hard. He’s known that this could a possibility, but it does nothing to calm his frayed nerves as he thinks about Blaine’s horrific reaction to being separated from him. He kisses his boy’s forehead, trying to impart his love while he still can.  
  
Then, the gurney is speeding away from him, and he hears Blaine shrieking.  
  
“Daddy! Don’t let them take me!”  
  
The screams fade as the gurney speeds into the hospital and down a corridor, but they never fade in Kurt’s mind. He goes into the hospital on autopilot, Makes calls to Blaine’s parents and Cooper, and fills out forms. Then, when all the busywork is done, he is left with the horror show that is his own thoughts.

The screams play on in his mind like a bad movie, and they’re interspersed with memories of their relationship, flashing before his eyes like an unwelcome lightning storm. With Blaine no longer there, he begins to break down fast.  
  
He buries his face in his hands, sticky from the slushie he’d wiped off of Blaine, and begins to sob quietly. He’s never felt so upset in his life. He’s hurting for Blaine, for all the pain his baby went through tonight. He cries out of anger regarding Sebastian. He knows that slushie was meant for him, and it very well could have been him needing surgery. He cries with awe at his boy’s unashamed bravery in taking the hit for him. And he cries in mourning because the secret portion of their relationship had been revealed to their friends, and they’d likely never be seen the same way again.

He was so involved in his sorrow that he didn’t notice the hospital doors opening, and didn’t notice his friends filing in, still clad in their leather from the dance battle. He didn’t realize anyone was there until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He jumps a bit, startled, and realizes it’s Mercedes. He stares up at her, grief in his eyes. She looks down at him, smiling gently, and he stands up to hug her, weeping into her shoulder with uninhibited abandon. He feels his friends circling around him, and that feels good, but his heart is broken, and it won’t be pieced together again until he sees that Blaine is okay.

He cries until he doesn’t have tears anymore, and then lapses into silence, sitting down when his legs can no longer hold him up.

Finn comes over to his stepbrother, clapping him over the back. “He’s gonna be okay, Kurt.”  
  
It takes everything he has not to cry again. “I know.” The words are shaking. “I just feel so awful for him. And guilty."  
  
“Guilty?”  
  
“It’s my fault. He was protecting me. He shouldn’t have had to-” Kurt has to stop, because he knows if he continues he’ll cry again.  
  
Finn shakes his head. “You know he would have anyway.”

“I know, but it doesn’t fix anything.” He whispers softly.  
  
“How is he?”  
  
“He… His vital signs were stable in the ambulance, but they said there might be rock salt in the slushie and that’s why his eye… That’s why his eye was burning. They had to flush it out and he kept screaming so loud I thought I’d hear it in my ears for the rest of my life.” Kurt says in a hushed tone.

“Rock salt?!” Finn says incredulously. “Sebastian planned to throw a slushie full of rock salt in _your_ face, and the only reason he didn’t is because Blaine blocked for you?”  
  
Kurt nods. “Sebastian is filthy gay evil. He wants to take Blaine away from me.” He spits Sebastian’s name with a kind of vitriol Finn had only heard in use with people’s clothing. “Disgusting.”  
  
“You have to report this, Kurt!” His brother insists. “You can’t let him get away with it.”  
  
“I know.” The answer is soft. “And I want to, but I won’t do anything without Blaine. If he’s not okay with it then I won’t do it. This happened to him, not me. It’s not my decision.”  
  
“Kurt, if you don’t do something now what’s going to stop Sebastian from coming after you?” The question comes from Mercedes.  
  
“ _Me._ If Sebastian gets near me, he’ll regret it. If he wants to come after me that’s fine. But nobody hurts Blaine and gets away with it.” Kurt’s voice drops several octaves and grows deadly serious.

Before anyone can comment, a doctor comes out.  
  
“For Blaine Anderson?”  
  
Kurt shoots up in his chair and practically runs over to the doctor. “I’m his boyfriend. His parents can’t get home for a few days, and his brother can’t make it for at least two days. Are you allowed to update me?” He asks, rambling a little.  
  
“Did his parents give consent to me updating you?”  
  
Kurt pulls out his phone and shows the doctor a text signed by Blaine’s mother, Pam, consenting to Kurt being allowed to be updated. Upon seeing it, the doctor nods.  
  
“His right cornea is deeply scratched. There was rock salt in the slushie like the EMT’s predicted. He’ll need surgery to repair the damage. We’re going to schedule it a week out.”

“Can I see him?” He asks, afraid of the answer.

“Sure. The EMT’s had to sedate him to calm him down so I don’t know if he’ll be awake, but you can go see him. Room 216.”  
  
Kurt runs all the way there.  
  
The sight of Blaine in his hospital bed, looking so small somehow in his bed, sheets tucked around him and a patch on his eye, both served to strengthen him and break him at the same time. It was an odd feeling, one he wasn’t familiar with. He moves over toward Blaine, stroking the soft hair.  
  
“Baby?” The word is crooning. He wants nothing more than to be sweet to his little boy now that the worst was behind them. They needed to reassure one another now.  
  
One sleepy eye fluttered open at the question, and Blaine sighed contently. “Daddy.”  
  
Kurt gives him a kiss on the forehead. “How are you feeling, sweetheart?”  
  
“My eye is still owie Daddy, but it doesn’t hurt like before.” He answers “The doctor said I hafta have surgery though.” He says, fear creeping in his voice.  
  
Kurt pulls him into a half hug. “Daddy knows, baby. You were such a brave baby boy for me. You don’t have to be brave again for a week.”  
  
“But I think I used all my brave up today, Daddy.” He says, softly.  
  
“You have a whole week to get some more, sweetheart. But I’m so proud of my brave baby boy.” Kurt gives him a kiss on the cheek. “Daddy is so proud of you.”  
  
Finally, Blaine gives him a beatific smile. “Really, Daddy?”  
  
“Really, really.” Kurt promises.  
  
“Daddy?"  
  
“Mmm?”  
  
“I’m sorry.” The admission is quiet.  
  
Kurt is confused. “Why are you sorry, sweetheart?”  
  
Blaine feels his eye welling up with tears. “I tried really hard to be a good boy, Daddy, but it hurt so bad! I knew I was making you sad and I didn’t mean to make you sad. I’m sorry, Daddy.”

“Oh baby…” Kurt moves to sit on the bed with him and runs a hand down his cheek. “You have nothing to be sorry for, do you understand? You were a good boy, you were a _great_ boy. Daddy was sad that you were hurting, and Daddy was angry at Sebastion, but you didn’t do anything to make Daddy sad. It wasn’t your fault, baby.”  
  
Blaine shakes his head vigorously at that. “My fault, Daddy. Didn’t want Daddy to get hurt.”  
  
Kurt matches his vigor. “No, baby. It wasn’t your fault. It was _Sebastian’s_ fault. He’s the one who wanted to hurt Daddy, and who hurt you when you were protecting him. But it’s not your job to protect Daddy, baby. It’s Daddy’s job to keep _you_ safe. And Daddy wants to do that if you’ll let him. But Daddy needs to know it’s okay with you first.”  
  
“How, Daddy?”  
  
“Daddy wants to press charges against Sebastian. But if you don’t want to, Daddy won’t do it. It was you Sebastian hurt, and you get to choose if he gets into trouble.” He says seriously.  
  
Blaine puts his thinking face on, and Kurt nearly laughs at the expression on his face. So serious on someone who looked so young at the moment. Then, he speaks. “Yes, Daddy. I would.”  
  
Kurt gave him a kiss. “Okay, sweet boy.”  
  
Blaine beams at that. He always loves when Daddy calls him “Good boy” or “Sweet boy” because it makes him feel like Daddy forgives him when he does bad things. Even though Daddy said he wasn’t a bad boy, sometimes he had trouble believing that. Those words always made it feel more real. He thinks about how his friends and Daddy’s friends were around them, and begins to whine. “Daddy, they know now. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”  
  
Kurt stops that train of thought before it can take root. “Daddy doesn’t care about that, Baby. Daddy just cares about you. It doesn’t matter about what anybody else thinks. I have the best baby In the world, and I’m proud of that. Don’t worry about that anymore.”  
  
Blaine nods, accepting that Daddy isn’t mad with him. Still, he yawns. The sedative hasn’t completely worn off yet.  
  
“Daddy?”  
  
“Yes, baby?”  
  
“Sing.”  
  
“What do you want to hear, sweetheart?”

“Anything. Please."  
  
And Kurt sings. Of course he does. He’d never deny his boy a thing after tonight. He chooses to sing “Blackbird” to Blaine. The song that Blaine had fallen into love with him to, hoping that the happy memories will block out whatever bad ones may bother him.

Blaine relaxes, sinking into the comfort of his pillow and bed. He can feel consciousness slipping away, but fights to stay awake until the end.  
  
“Sleep, baby.” He hears Daddy say, kissing his forehead.  
  
“Daddy?” He says, weakly.  
  
“Yes, sweet boy?”  
  
“I love you.”  
  
“I love you too.”  
  
And there was no greater truth than that.


	3. Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine wants to try something but doesn't know how to ask. Thankfully, Daddy knows what he wants anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Does contain some implied sexy times toward the end, but out of headspace.
> 
> Enjoy!

Kurt cannot remember being this frustrated in the entirety of his life.

Blaine has actively been avoiding regressing for the past two weeks now, and he knows this because any time he makes an offer to Blaine for some little time, Blaine just stammers and changes the subject. He’s clearly embarrassed about something, and the lack of communication frustrates Kurt. Kurt knows exactly why he’s so flustered. Blaine just doesn’t think he knows why. But he does.  
  
He’s seen Blaine eyeing diaper commercials when they watch TV. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why Blaine has been trying to avoid being little. If he didn’t feel comfortable talking about the diapers, then he’d obviously try and avoid that as long as he could.  
  
Well, Kurt can’t have that.  
  
It’s a Saturday afternoon, in April. Warm, but not hot. Kurt drives to the Anderson residence, not having told Blaine he was coming. If he was going to call him out for this, it needed to be a surprise attack. Blaine had mentioned his parents would be gone on business over the weekend and flirtatiously asked if Kurt might have wanted to stay over. Kurt, in response, had said he wouldn’t be able to, because of a prior family commitment. That had been true. He’d originally intended to spend the day with his Dad, but after thinking about it, he’d told his Dad he wanted to go over to Blaine’s to help him study for finals next month. Burt had nodded, and off Kurt had gone.  
  
He pulled into the Anderson’s driveway, with Blaine’s car parked there. Getting out of his car and locking it, he sashayed his way toward the front door and rang the bell.  
  
He can hear the sound of Blaine coming to the door, and feels a quick flash of doubt for the actions he is about to take, but then feels it fade. He knows what he needs to do.  
  
The door opens and Blaine smiles at him dazzlingly. “Kurt!” He chirps happily, hugging his boyfriend. “I thought you had to do something with your Dad today!”  
  
“He had something come up so I decided to come over and spend the day with you.” Kurt says, smiling. “May I come in?”

“Of course!"  
  
Kurt steps inside a little ways, and Blaine shuts the door. But when he turns back, he sees something that makes his blood run cold and freezes him where he stands. It was no longer Kurt standing in the doorway, it was Daddy. He felt himself gulp at that.  
  
“K-Kurt?”  
  
Kurt goes over to Blaine, face all business. “Daddy is very disappointed in you, baby. You’ve been actively avoiding being little for two weeks now. Daddy knows you’ve been putting it off because you’re embarrassed about something, but you haven’t been letting Daddy take care of you, and we both know how much you need that.”  
  
Blaine almost- _almost_ slips into his headspace. But he fights it like a ship fights to stay above water in a storm. He shakes his head. “I don’t want to play, Kurt.”  
  
Kurt didn’t buy it for a minute, and took a step toward him. “Daddy knows why you haven’t been wanting to play, baby. So we’re going to talk about it.” He says, looking Blaine dead in the eye.

The fear in Blaine’s eyes was so clear Kurt almost faltered, but chose to hold firm. “I…”  
  
“Come on, baby. Let’s go upstairs and we’ll talk."  
  
Grateful for the slight reprieve, Blaine nodded and followed Kurt upstairs like a lost puppy.  
  
Kurt got to Blaine’s room and sat down on his bed, patting the space beside him. Blaine took it, knowing there would be consequences if he didn’t obey.  
  
Kurt speaks now, voice velvety smooth. “Listen to me, baby.” He says it with such lilt that Blaine can’t help looking up. “Daddy has noticed you eyeing those diapers on TV. If you want them, that’s fine. Daddy just wants to be sure it’s what you want.”

Blaine felt tears welling up in his eyes, and let out a choked sob. He thought he had been so careful to hide it! But Daddy knew anyways, of course he did. He should have known better than to try and hide it. He hugged him, afraid of what would happen if he let go anytime soon.  
  
Kurt pulled Blaine into his lap to hold him, rubbing his back and hushing him in hopes of calming him down. It seemed to be working well. When Blaine finally calmed completely, Kurt was prepared to give reassurance.  
  
“Baby, Daddy doesn’t care if you want to wear diapers. You’re such a little boy I’m surprised you haven’t had an accident yet. Daddy just needs to know it’s what’s you want, and he’ll be happy to take care of you. Okay?” He said softly, stroking Blaine’s hair.

Blaine couldn’t help sniffling. “Not bad?”  
  
Kurt had no trouble following his train of thought. “No, baby. It’s not bad that you want that. And Daddy is happy to do that for you if you want it. I just want to hear you say it’s what you want, baby.”  
  
Kurt feels Blaine nod against him, but that’s not how this works. He catches it. “Say it, sweetheart. You know the rules. You have to use your big boy words if you want to try something new.”  
  
“Wanna try, Daddy.” Comes the barely audible whisper.  
  
“That’s my good boy.” Kurt praises, kissing his forehead. “Now, do you want to go pick some up with Daddy? We can make a special day out of it.”  
  
Blaine looks hesitant for a moment. “Where go?”  
  
“Daddy knows a store across town that can help.” He promised. “No one will know.”  
  
“‘Kay, Daddy.” Blaine nodded.  
  
Kurt pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Good boy.”  
  
Blaine gets up from Kurt’s lap, and takes his hand, before they both go out to Kurt’s car. Blaine gets into the back seat of the car, and lets Daddy buckle him in. Normally he would sit up front with his boyfriend, but Daddy has a rule that he can’t sit up front when he’s little. Instead, he sits in the back, swinging his legs and humming as Daddy pulls out of the driveway, and they begin the trek across town.

Kurt knows where he’s going. He did research about where he could take Blaine for these kinds of things. Normally they ordered their things online, but he’d wanted to find an actual store they could go to, so that Blaine could really see that he wasn’t alone in how he felt, and maybe even make a few friends.  
  
They drive to Columbus, Kurt playing the show tunes he knows Blaine loves in the car. He sings along through the whole drive. The hour and a half passes quickly with both of them singing in the car. They’re in the middle of the soundtrack for _Wicked_ when they finally pull up to the store and Kurt stops the car. Blaine stops his singing, and looks up.

He is ill prepared for what he sees.  
  
It’s a building, with colorful letters outside it proclaiming it to be called “Baby Days”. He sees Daddy looking at him, and looks back questioningly. “Daddy?”  
  
Kurt smiled at him. “This is a special store, baby. It’s for little boys and girls like you. Daddy thought it would be special to come here to get your diapers so you could know that it wasn’t just you who loved this.”  
  
Blaine nods, eyes wide at such a prospect. Then, Kurt gets out and unbuckles Blaine from his seat, before he takes his hand and guides him inside.  
  
He’s never seen Blaine’s eyes so huge before, as he watches his little boy try and take everything in. It’s a store bigger than any Gap in Lima, practically the size of Bed, Bath, And Beyond. There’s a furniture section with Cribs, changing tables, and high chairs. There’s a section of clothes in pastel colors. And there are aisles that seem to stretch for miles full of all sorts of different things, like Pacifiers, bottles, toys, and of course diapers.  
  
Kurt chuckles softly at the sight, and squeeze’s Blaine’s hand tight. “Come on, baby.”  
  
Blaine follows him, simply on instinct, but his mind was still trying to process all that he was seeing.  
  
Kurt leads Blaine to the diaper aisle, and is surprised by his compliance. He’d half expected that his boy would be bouncing off the walls with excitement and wouldn’t be able to sit still. Still, he was calm, and that was comforting.  
  
Kurt knows the size he’ll need. He’s taken Blaine’s measurements plenty of times for fittings for costumes. When they get to that section, he looks at Blaine, who’s eyes are still wide as dinner plates. Kurt puts a hand on his shoulder, and Blaine finally snaps out of his daze to look at him.  
  
“Pick some out, baby. Whatever kind you like.” Kurt says softly. In the meantime, he grabs baby powder, some wipes, a tube of rash cream, and a changing mat from the other side of the display.

Blaine opens his mouth, as if he wants to say something, but nothing comes out. Kurt is patient. He knows this is a lot to take in. He might not win the award for the _most_ patient Daddy, but he understands that his little boy has been struggling lately, and that this is a big step, so he’ll use all the patience he has to help him through it.  
  
Blaine felt overwhelmed by what he could choose from, and had to shake himself in order to concentrate again. He looks up and down at the designs of the diapers, trying to focus and see what there was he could pick from. He didn’t like the idea of a plain diaper. He’s expressive, and so is Daddy, so it has to be something expressive like they are. He looks around, and sees one designed in soft pastels. He knows Daddy likes pastels, and he likes them too. He takes them from the shelf, feeling the plastic under his fingers.

“You like those, baby?” He asks, trying to gauge a reaction. The print is pastel letters that say baby on it. Blaine nods, seemingly happy. It’s all the confirmation Kurt needs. “Okay, baby. Do you want to get a new Paci too?”  
  
Blaine nods excitedly at that. Kurt knows he’d never turn that down. Blaine loves the pacifier he has already, and he always asks about getting more. This time, the reaction from Blaine is one he predicted, and Blaine takes his hand to drag him to the pacifiers.  
  
The pacifiers cover a whole shelf. Blaine looks at it with the kind of awe and wonder Kurt associates with himself looking at the Spring fashions. There were pacifiers of every kind, and Kurt had to stop himself from blurting out that Blaine couldn’t have them all. He restrains himself. He knows Blaine knows that.  
  
Blaine scans them and sees a red pacifier with a Blue music note on it, the Warbler colors. He immediately yanks it off of the shelf.  
  
“Don’t snatch.” Kurt admonishes gently, before taking it in hand. “This is the one you want?”  
  
Blaine nods, appropriately chastened but still excited.  
  
“Okay. Let’s go pay and we’ll go home.” Kurt says, taking Blaine’s hand in his own.  
  
They made their way to the register, where two people were finishing checking out. At the sight of other people, Blaine felt himself blushing hard, and moved to hide behind Daddy. He had forgotten there could be other people there because the aisles they’d visited were empty. At the sudden reminder that they were not as alone as they thought they were, Blaine did the only thing that seemed sensible to him and tried to hide.

Kurt squeezed Blaine’s hand a little, trying to ease his nerves, just as they moved to the front of the line.  
  
The cashier smiled kindly at them. “Did you find everything okay?” She asked them in a voice that somehow reminds Kurt of his mother.  
  
“Perfectly, thank you.” Kurt says, putting their items on the counter.  
  
The cashier seems to notice Blaine hiding a little bit, and smiles gently at him.  
  
“You have very good taste! I can’t tell you how many people I’ve seen pass that pacifier by when I always thought it was the best one! I knew somebody special would find it someday, and it looks like I was right!”  
  
The words make Blaine smile, and he comes out a little from behind his Daddy in response.  
  
“It makes me think of when Daddy sings to me before bed.” Blaine said, a little above a whisper.  
  
“Well aren’t you lucky to have a Daddy who loves you that much!” She gushed, smiling as she took Kurt’s money.  
  
Blaine looked at his Daddy, smiling brightly. “I’m the luckiest.”  
  
The cashier smiled at that, and gave Kurt his change. “Well I hope you two have a great day, and you’re welcome back any time.” She said.  
  
Kurt takes the bag. “What do you say, Blaine?”  
  
“Thank you!”  
  
She chuckled softly. “You’re welcome.”  
  
Kurt smiles gratefully, and she smiles back, before they go back to Kurt’s car.  
  
Blaine is completely in his baby headspace, singing along to music from Disney and giggling happily in the backseat. Kurt can’t help stealing a few glances in the rearview mirror at him, because he’s just about the most adorable thing Kurt has ever seen. The ride home seems to pass in the blink of an eye because of it.  
  
Blaine hops out of the car after Kurt unbuckles him, excited as they bring in their purchases. Once they get inside, Blaine is an unstoppable ball of bouncy energy.

“Daddy, can I have my new Paci now?” He asks, bouncing on the balls of his feet.  
  
“Of course. Let Daddy get it out and clean it off, and then it’s all yours.” Kurt promises. He puts a somewhat shallow pot of water on the Anderson stove to get it boiling, before he goes to get the pacifier out of the clamshell plastic. By the time he wrestles it out, the water is at a rolling boil. He drops it in to sterilize it for five minutes while Blaine babbles to him about how cool the store they went to was.  
  
When the five minutes are up, Kurt fishes it out of the water, and dries it off with a paper towel, before drying it off. He dumps the water out, and puts the pot away as he waits until it’s completely cooled off, before he pops it into Blaine’s mouth. Blaine suckles it happily, and Kurt can’t help but melt at the sweet image. He cards his fingers through Blaine’s gelled hair.  
  
“Come on, my little warbler. Let’s get your diaper on.” Kurt smiles.

Blaine both brightens and blushes at the prospect, but nods, and lets Daddy lead him to his room. Kurt brings everything, and begins to get set up, unrolling the changing mat, and getting out the diapers and baby powder. They only got a twelve pack this time, just to see how Blaine liked them. As soon as the mat was unrolled, Blaine laid down on it obediently, as if he’d done it yesterday.  
  
Kurt suddenly feels nervous. He’s been intimate with Blaine before, seen him naked, but this was different somehow. It was emotional intimacy on the highest level to be trusted to be cared for in this way, and Kurt somehow feels so… Unworthy? Undeserving? Of that kind of trust. But at the same time, he knows he can’t let Blaine down.

“Okay, baby. Let’s get your diaper on.” Kurt croons.

Blaine smiles, blushing just a little, and suckles on his pacifier.  
  
Kurt tears open the packaging of the diapers, almost wincing at the loud sound, before he removes a diaper from the pack.

He’s never actually changed a real baby before, but years of changing baby doll diapers does come in handy for the basics. He knows what the process is. He unfolds the diaper, hearing it crinkle, before he has Blaine lift up his hips so that he can slide the diaper underneath him. He slides it under, then powders Blaine generously before he tapes the diaper up.  
  
He looks up at Blaine, gauging his reaction.  
  
Blaine was in a daze. A heady, blissful daze. He’d pictured something like this in his mind a million times. But now that it was happening, it didn’t feel real to him. But there could be no other explanation for the happy elixir of emotions coursing through him. It was amazing to himthat one garment could make his whole being feel safe and validated. And the fact that Daddy had put him in it, with no hesitation, made it even better. He’d never felt as happy or content as he did in that moment, and was grinning because of it.  
  
Kurt chuckles softly at that. “Are you a happy boy, now?” That seems to be enough break Blaine from his joy-induced trance, and he shoots up to pull his Daddy into a fierce hug. Kurt smiles and holds him closely, inhaling the familiar scent of him that was now mixed with the scent of baby powder. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He says, kissing Blaine on the forehead.  
  
Blaine sighs happily, content where he is. “Daddy…”

The word expressed more than he could say in that moment, but Kurt completely understood everything behind it. “I know, baby. You’re welcome.”  
  
Blaine looks up at his Daddy, eyes questioning, and removes his pacifier. “Daddy?”  
  
“Yes, baby?"  
  
“Clothes?”  
  
“You want Daddy to put your pants back on?”  
  
Blaine shakes his head. “No, Daddy. Clothes aren’t right.”  
  
Kurt frowns at that. “Not right how, sweetheart?”  
  
“Too big.”  
  
“Too big? Daddy just took you to the tailor’s last month, baby.”  
  
“Too big for me, Daddy. They big boy clothes.”  
  
Now Kurt understands. “I see, baby. Do you want Daddy to help you find some little boy clothes?”  
  
Blaine nods. “Pease, Daddy.”  
  
Kurt’s heart melts a little at that. “Alright, sweetheart. Let’s see what Daddy can do.”  
  
He stands up, and goes over to Blaine’s closet. He makes a mental note to himself to get some clothes for Blaine the next time they go to that store, which would be soon considering Blaine’s reaction to the diapers. He flicks through the closet expertly, almost knowing it by heart. There were a few items he thought would work well. He pulls out an orange polo shirt and some khaki shorts. It was normal, but could also be little boy clothes in the right perspective. He whirls around with a flourish to show Blaine, who happily claps his hands.

_This is the deepest in his headspace I’ve ever seen him get._

Kurt thinks this as he brings the clothes over. He slides the shorts on Blaine first, and then has him lift his arms up to put the new shirt on him before he pops Blaine’s pacifier back in. When he sees how happy Blaine looks, and how little, he can’t help but coo at him.  
  
“Aren’t you the cutest little munchkin?” He says, heart practically about to explode at how adorable his boyfriend is like this.  
  
Blaine bounces happily on the floor and claps his hands, giggling. Then he reaches up to Daddy, surprising him. Kurt isn’t sure if he can carry Blaine, but he can at least try, right? He does what he remembers his father doing for him as a child, and picks Blaine up from under the armpits. If he’d been any heavier, Kurt wouldn’t have been able to do it. Thank goodness his boyfriend liked to work out. Somehow, he manages to pick Blaine up and carry him to his bed, getting him into his lap.  
  
Blaine seems content to snuggle with him, and Kurt presses a kiss to his forehead. He’ll never say no to holding his baby. He starts humming automatically, without any thought to the action, and realizes after a while, that he’s humming a lullaby. It seems to be having an effect on Blaine. He can feel Blaine’s weight sinking into him further. All the excitement must have worn him out. Kurt’s thoughts are confirmed before, after not too long, he feels Blaine slump against him completely, and hears his even breathing.  
  
Despite his legs falling asleep under Blaine, Kurt doesn’t move either of them. He’s completely in the moment, enjoying the fact that he’s holding his baby, and that his baby trusts him enough to fall asleep in such a vulnerable position. He cherishes the trust involved in that, and will always treasure the quiet moments like these where Blaine shows him, not with words but actions, how much he loves him.

Blaine wakes after a short amount of time, though he could have slept forever. He was warm and comfy with Daddy holding him, and wanted to sleep some more. But his bladder was waking him, telling him he needed to go potty. He whines, not wanting to wake up and sleep some more.  
  
Then, he feels Daddy rub his back, and hear’s Daddy’s voice floating above him saying pretty things. “It’s alright, sweetheart.”

“Mmmm. S’eepy.” He whines.  
  
“Go back to sleep then.” Kurt soothes, trying to calm him.  
  
“Gotsa potty.”  
  
Kurt pauses a moment, thinking about what he’s going to say, before he says it. “You’re wearing your potty, baby, remember?”

That brings Blaine to full wakefulness, as he remembers their trip to the store. He shifts a bit on Kurt, and hears his diaper crinkling. It makes him realize he has a choice he can make. He can use his diaper, or he can use the toilet. But he has to make one, and quickly.

He starts to whine. There was a part of him that had never planned this part. He’d never imagined that it would actually happen. Now that it was happening, he wasn’t sure what to do.  
  
Kurt can see the dilemma in his face. Instinct drives what he says next. “It’s okay, baby. You can use your diaper. That’s what it’s for. Daddy doesn’t mind.”  
  
Blaine lets off a choked little sob because he’s afraid now. He’s scared Daddy will say it’s okay now but change his mind after and think he’s yucky. But he’s hurting so much that he can’t wait much longer.  
  
Kurt kisses his cheek and strokes a tear away with his thumb. “Let go, sweet boy. It’s alright. Let go. Daddy will clean you up after, and it will all be okay.”  
  
With a tiny sob, Blaine does as he’s told.  
  
Kurt holds him as he breaks down, wondering if this was too much for him. He assumed- perhaps incorrectly- that Blaine had thought about this part of it before. Now, however, he was second-guessing that part of it. As he feels Blaine sag against him, he notices something else- his sobs are quieting.  
  
With the pain gone and his emotions let out, Blaine can focus on the sensation of how this feels. It’s unexpectedly comforting. His fear isn’t entirely allayed, not yet, but the fact that Daddy was still holding him was a very good sign. He realizes, slowly, that he’s never felt as safe, nor as little, as he has right now.  
  
Kurt gives Blaine a kiss as the tears slowly stop. “You’re a very good boy, baby. I know that was hard, but you did such a good job. Daddy is so proud of you, sweetheart. Are you ready to get nice and clean?”  
  
Blaine nods into his shoulder, not feeling up to talking yet.  
  
Kurt goes through the motions of changing his boy. It isn’t hard, nor is it disgusting as he might have thought. He’s so focused on how Blaine might be feeling, he gives little recognition to his own feelings. When Blaine is cleaned up, Kurt purposefully puts him in a pair of boxers rather than another diaper. They need to have a conversation about this out of role, to see if this should be something they do again. Kurt gets him in his boxers and shorts again, and then he pulls him into a hug and waits.  
  
It takes Blaine a long time, but eventually, he takes the pacifier out. That’s the sign, agreed upon by the two of them, that they can talk now.  
  
“Are you okay?” The first question out of Kurt’s mouth in talks like these is always this one.  
  
Blaine nods. “I’m okay.”  
  
That’s a weight off of Kurt if he’s ever needed one. Kurt nods. “Okay good.” He lets that hang in the air a moment, before he speaks again. “Did you ever think about using it before? At all?”  
  
This is an awkward question for Blaine, and Kurt knows it. But they have to talk about it so it won’t impact anything else they choose to try. “I did. I never imagined what it would actually _feel like_ , per se. I just imagined getting changed and all of that. I never actually planned for that moment, for what I would _do_ if I was ever presented with the opportunity.”  
  
Kurt nods. “I could tell you were struggling with the decision. I didn’t mean to make it a… A pressure thing.”  
  
“No, no. You didn’t. I was… I was more scared of you thinking of me differently after. The fact that you told me it was okay helped me a lot. It took a lot of the fear away.”  
  
Kurt can’t help sagging a bit in relief at that. “I’m so happy to hear that. I could tell that you really loved wearing them.”  
  
Blaine blushes a bit at that. “I… I mean, that was something I’ve wanted for a really long time and the fact that you did it with me made it much more special and-“  
  
“Baby, you’re babbling.” Kurt interjects.  
  
Blaine stops, smiling sheepishly. “Sorry. I really did like it though, because you made me feel so… Safe. The fact that you did that _for me_ was probably the best feeling in the world. I love you, Kurt.” He says sincerely.  
  
Kurt kisses him on the lips. “I love you too. So this is okay?"  
  
Blaine nods vigorously. “Definitely okay.” He says, before kissing him again.  
  
Kurt has to come up for air eventually. “I’m liking how grateful this is making you.”  
  
“Just wait until I give you a _proper_ thank you.” He says, and suddenly Kurt is certain this is the best day of his life, before his mind is too busy thinking of other things.  
  
The two of them begin kissing, and the last coherent thought Kurt has is that all his frustration was _definitely_ worth it.


	4. Grandpa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Burt finds out about Little!Blaine.
> 
> Possibly a part one of two. I haven't decided yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was really emotional for me to write in the best way possible. I really hope you all enjoy this little one (or possibly two because I haven't decided yet) shot.

When Blaine Anderson was in his little space, lots of things changed for him.  
  
He entered a world of safety and joy. He could enjoy the simple pleasures of childhood. He felt the security of a loving Daddy who cared about him, and got to experience the excitement of playtime. The only downside to all of this was that for all the good things it brought forth, it had an equivalent number of bad things to bring it down- namely, the list of fears he had that was extensively longer than normal.  
  
He feared abandonment and humiliation. He feared monsters were under his bed. But his biggest and most reactive fear was a fear of storms.

Blaine couldn’t help it. Storms had always made him feel so small. For as much as he enjoyed the banging of drums or strobe lights on a stage, he could anticipate those sounds. He hated the unknown, the clapping of thunder when he couldn’t predict it, or a flash of lightning that lit up the whole room and seemed to cast shadows everywhere.

So, when storms came, so did his little self.  
  
Fortunately, Kurt Hummel was well prepared for his boyfriend’s fears. He always checked the weather for the day anyways, and when he knew it was going to storm, he made sure he was with him so he wouldn’t go through it alone.

Today was supposedly scheduled to storm, so Kurt had asked Blaine over just in case. But so far, all they’d seen was a bit of drizzly rain. He decided they could hang out in his room for the time being. Finn was at football practice, so the upstairs belonged to them alone.  
  
Burt Hummel’s rule that the door stayed open was in effect. Kurt knew his father was home, and couldn’t disobey that rule. They weren’t in a particularly handsy mood, either, so it didn’t really matter.  
  
They were studying at the moment. Blaine always had issues with understanding algebra. He tended to joke that he understood math perfectly until the alphabet got involved. He could grasp the _concept_ of what was being taught to him, but actually executing it was an issue.

“Come on, Blaine. I know you know this as well as you know the last issue of Vanity Fair.” Kurt says to his boyfriend.  
  
“I know.” Blaine sighs. “I just can’t seem to get it to come out on paper like it does in my head.”  
  
Kurt kisses his head. “It will. I know you can do it.” He encourages.  
  
Blaine smiles. Kurt’s kisses always have some magical quality that makes any math-induced headache go away.  
  
He tries the problem again, and it comes out like it should. He beams at his work and shows Kurt, who grins at him.  
  
“See? I told you you could do it.” He says.  
  
“Not without your magic kisses.” Blaine says.  
  
“Me? Magic?” Kurt asks, in a Scarlet O’Hara impression for the ages. “Surely you jest.”  
  
Blaine grins. “Nope! Your kisses always make me feel better!”  
  
“Oh, I don’t think that’s magic.”  
  
“Then what is it?”  
  
“Love.”  
  
They share a smile, and a kiss.

The next few moments were spent flipping through textbooks, the only sounds being pencils etching on notebooks. It was a quiet, peaceful time. They talked about school, finals, and Glee club. For a while they were so absorbed with what they were doing that they seemed to forget about everything else.  
  
And then, the first clap of thunder hits.  
  
Blaine yelps in a way that reminds Kurt of a puppy getting stepped on. The sound rockets him into action, and he pulls Blaine into a hug. He can hear the tiny whimpers coming from Blaine, and they break his heart. But he knows he can calm Blaine down. That, at least, comforts him a little.  
  
He rubs Blaine’s back, humming a little _Thoroughly Modern Millie_ as he does, in hopes of making the whimpers stop. They slow, but don’t cease.  
  
Burt hears the startled yelp after the first thunder clap. It draws him away from the bookkeeping he’s trying to do for the tire shop. At first, he thinks it’s Kurt who yelped, but then remembers Kurt telling him that Blaine had a severe phobia of Thunderstorms. He wonders, in a passing thought, if he should go check in on them.  
  
When he hears another yelp, he decides the answer is yes.  
  
Kurt holds Blaine, trying to calm him down and keep him from completely breaking down. He knows they can’t play right at this moment. His father is downstairs. He tries to keep Blaine calm through humming, back rubs, and holding him, but it’s not working. He can tell Blaine’s adult headspace is slipping away like sand through an hourglass. He knows he needs to do something now, to try and stop the tears before they begin, but he’s drawing a blank due to the inherent pressure in the situation.  
  
Burt comes up the stairs, not running, but hurrying slightly. If he needs to take Blaine home (because there’s no way he’s letting Kurt drive when there’s an increasing possibility of flash flooding in the area) he needs to know to do it now. He can see from where he is that Kurt’s door is open. He’s pleased that Kurt is following the house rules.  
  
Right at the moment he’s about to come within the line of sight of the doorway, the emergency weather alert system begins to blare, and he hears outright sobbing begin to erupt from Kurt’s room.  
  
What he doesn’t expect is the word that is sobbed out.  
  
“Daddy!”

The one word is all it takes. Kurt knows now that there’s no getting Blaine out of his headspace anytime soon. He silently curses the storm for deciding to act up _now_ of all times, pushing Blaine to be little when he can’t close his door to take care of him properly, and when his father is right downstairs.

Or, so Kurt thinks.  
  
But as he pulls Blaine into his lap, he looks up, and sees his father standing there, looking… Kurt doesn’t have words for his face. Surprised? Shocked? Confused? He can’t quite name it. What he does know is that he has to make a choice. Try and drag Blaine out of his headspace (Which would be like pulling teeth) to try and do damage control around his father, or just be the Daddy he knows Blaine needs in that moment and to choose not to care what anyone thinks.  
  
He takes a deep breath and makes his choice.  
  
He spares his Dad a glance that promises they’ll talk later, before he looks down at Blaine’s tearstained face. The scared look instantly quells any doubts and fears he has, and he automatically begins to comfort his boy as he would if they were alone.  
  
“Shhh. It’s okay, sweet boy. Daddy’s here. It’s going to be okay. You’re safe here, I promise.” The words come out naturally, and some small voice in the back of his mind tells him that this was what his father had said to him when he didn’t feel safe as a child.  
  
The words have an effect. Kurt and Burt both see that. Blaine seems to sag in relief at them. The fact that Kurt can see it gives him more confidence in his actions as he continues on, offering reassurances that seem to calm Blaine immensely.  
  
“Daddy?” Comes the quiet question. Kurt is almost sure he’s going to fall asleep soon.  
  
“Yes, baby?"  
  
“Sing.”  
  
And Kurt does, taking in a breath and beginning to sing to his boy.  
  
“One evening as the sun went down

And the jungle fire was burning

Down the track came a hobo hikin'

And he said, "Boys, I'm not turning

I'm headed for a land that's far away

Beside the crystal fountain

So come with me, we'll go and see

The Big Rock Candy Mountain.””

He doesn’t particularly like the music from the movie “O Brother, Where Art Thou?” But he knows Blaine _loves_ that song in particular. Blaine is always telling him that he can sing it well, and loves hearing him do it. So it doesn’t surprise him when not too long after, Blaine falls asleep.  
  
Kurt sighs a little in relief at that, and presses a kiss to Blaine’s forehead. He loves watching his little boy’s face when he sleeps. It’s so young and innocent. It’s his favorite face in the world, and he wouldn’t trade it for anything.  
  
Much as he would love to watch his boy sleep forever, Kurt knows he can’t. He has to talk with his father now, no matter how much he doesn’t want to. It takes time, and some work, but eventually he gets Blaine untangled from him, and lays him down on his bed, covering him with a blanket and giving him a kiss, before he goes to talk with his Dad.  
  
Kurt and Burt walk downstairs in silence, before they take a seat at the kitchen table, where they have all of their serious talks. Burt takes his usual seat, clearing the papers from his bookkeeping away, and takes a draught of beer. He sets it down, and sits, waiting for an explanation that could possibly make sense of all he’d just seen.  
  
Kurt attempts to formulate said explanation. He wants to figure out how he can tell this story in a way his father can appreciate. It takes him a moment, before he finds his voice.  
  
“Dad, do you know why our relationship is as good as it is?” He asks.  
  
“Because we talk?” Burt means it as a statement but it comes out as a question.  
  
“Because you accept me for who I am.” Kurt says. “That’s why our relationship is so great. You never stopped loving me when I told you I was gay, you’ve gone out of your way to protect me from bullies, and you never once showed me that you were unhappy with who I was as a person, whether it came to who I loved or what I wanted to do with my life.”  
  
“That’s right.” Burt nods.  
  
“Blaine didn’t get any of that from his father.” Kurt says. He knows they’re getting to the nitty gritty of it now. “His mother is as accepting of him as you are of me, but his Dad… They don’t talk. They don’t see eye to eye on anything. Blaine never got a father who loved him the same way I know you love me.”  
  
Burt nods slowly. “I remember him telling me about his Dad once. He said he helped his Dad build a car, and thought that his Dad did it to turn him straight.” He shakes his head, as if disappointed, before he looks back at Kurt. “So how does that translate to you?”  
  
This was the hard part. Kurt is still trying to find a way to explain it, but he’ll die before he gives up on trying. “It’s called age play, Dad. Someone likes to act a different age than they are. That’s what Blaine does. He gets to the age of five, sometimes down to two. And I take care of him.”  
  
Burt is quiet a few moments, processing this new information. He looks up at Kurt. “Is it… Is it a sex thing?”  
  
Kurt looks appalled. “ _No._ Oh God, no. Nothing like that. That would be…” Kurt shutters. “I don’t even want to think about something like that.”

Burt raises his hands up in a gesture of surrender, appropriately chastened. “Sorry. I had to ask.” He pauses a second. “Does anyone else know about this?”  
  
“Finn does. I don’t think he really got a choice in the matter. The walls in this house are so thin that everybody hears everything.”  
  
“Then how come I never heard any of-“ He gestures an arm in the air. “This before?"  
  
“We closed the door or I had Finn play some music in his room. I know that’s one of your rules, Dad, and I’m sorry I broke it, but Blaine isn’t comfortable with this part of himself yet. At least not comfortable enough to let others see him that way. I wanted to protect his privacy and his dignity.”  
  
“And your own, I’m guessing.” Burt says.  
  
“To a much lesser extent, but a little bit. I didn’t think anyone would really… Approve of this.” Kurt sighs heavily. “But before you say anything else, I wanted to tell you something, Dad."  
  
“What is it?”  
  
“I wanted to say Thank you.”  
  
Burt’s eyebrows raise at that. “Thank you? For what?”

Kurt looks at him, eyes very serious. “Because you _are_ so accepting of me. And because you never gave up on me. But more than that, you taught me what it meant to be a father to my little boy. Because of everything you taught me growing up, I can be the father he never had but always deserved. And I feel so lucky that I had such a good example, because if I didn’t… I don’t know where I’d be now. But because of you, and your decisions raising me, I met the love of my life, and I got to become a Dad too. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that.” Kurt finishes softly.

Burt’s eyes widen in what Kurt can only describe as pleasant surprise. It wasn’t every day you got a high schooler who could honestly thank their parents for the sacrifices they made. It impresses Burt, and tells him that even if his son broke a rule, he did it for the right reasons. It also tells him that he raised his son the right way, and that makes him proud.  
  
Burt smiles at Kurt, a rarity for the two of them during talks like these. “You know, Kurt, I’m not going to tell you I understand it when I don’t. But I do know that you really did me proud just now. You took responsibility for breaking a rule, and even though you broke that rule, you did it for what I would consider a pretty good reason. You were protecting someone else. I really can’t imagine you making me more proud than you did right now. And I know someday, when you’re ready, you’ll be a great Dad to your biological kids. But for now, I think it’s good for you to be one to an adoptive one instead. Just make sure you tell me next time I become a Grandpa, alright?”  
  
The light that sparks in Kurt’s eyes is undeniable. “Really?”  
  
“Really. You can close the door if you want to do that, or you can keep it open. It’s your choice. You choose whatever’s best for your boy, okay?”  
  
Kurt feels the tears welling up in his eyes and pulls his father into a hug. “I love you, Dad.”  
  
Burt pats his son’s back. “I love you too, Kurt. Thanks for telling me.”

They hold each other like that a moment, before Kurt pulls away, wiping at his eyes. He sniffs a little. “I should probably get back upstairs. He hates it when I’m not there when he’s little.”

Burt smiles a little. “You better not keep him waiting, then. Just in case.”  
  
Kurt grins back at his father before he goes back upstairs.


	5. Grandpa- Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt tells Blaine about Burt finding out about him.
> 
> Part 2 of "Grandpa".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow this took a very emotional turn, and I got a little weepy when writing it. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it. I did.

When Blaine wakes up, he’s warm and comfortable. It’s a short nap, born from crying too much, but he feels better from taking it. He doesn’t want to open his eyes yet, so he lays there, breathing in Daddy’s unmistakable scent next to him. He isn’t sure if his thumb was in his mouth before, but now it is. He’s comfy, and in that strange floating place between sleep and wakefulness. He doesn’t want to leave it. But when he hears a softer rumbling of thunder, he whines loudly, and buries his face in Daddy’s chest.  
  
Kurt has been back twenty minutes. He’s had twenty moments to reflect on his conversation with his Dad, and all he can think of is how lucky he is to have a father so accepting and supportive of him. Of all the reactions he could have predicted, his father reacting that way, and even acknowledging himself as a _grandfather_ hadn’t even been on his radar. But the fact that he couldn’t plan for it somehow made it even better.

When Blaine begins to whine, Kurt presses a kiss to his forehead. “It’s alright, sweetheart. Daddy’s here.” He promises. “Did you have a nice nap?” The question is a crooned one.

Blaine nods. He had been having a nice nap until the thunder came and made him scared again! He grips Daddy’s shirt with his free hand, trying to hang onto him so he doesn’t leave.  
  
Sensing the train of thought, Kurt intervenes. “Don’t worry, baby. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”  
  
Another clap of thunder sounds, earning another whine and now some shaking from Blaine. Kurt thinks on his feet for how to handle this, and a brilliant idea hits.

“You know, baby, my Mommy once told me a story about why we have thunder and lightning.”  
  
Blaine pries open a sleepy eye. The word story stirs his interest. He looked up at Daddy with a curious, if somewhat sleepy, expression.  
  
Kurt was encouraged by that and continued on. “When Daddy was very little, he used to be scared of storms too. And your Grandma, she used to pick me up and take me over to the couch so we could watch the storm together. And do you know what she told me?"  
  
Blaine shakes his head, curious.  
  
“She told me that storms were just people in heaven bowling. Angels, people, saints. Everybody bowls in heaven. The thunder is the sound of somebody hitting the pins. And the rain is the angels crying for those that lost the game. And the lightning is when they do that cosmic bowling with all the strobe lights. Except they forgot to turn one of them off. That’s why we see lightning.” Kurt is smiling now. He hadn’t thought about that in years, and feels a pinch of nostalgia just talking about it.  
  
Blaine giggles a little at the story, and Kurt imagines that’s what he must have looked like as a child when his mother told that story.

“You know what else?” Kurt says. Blaine looks up at him, and he continues on. “When I watched the storm in her lap, it wasn’t scary anymore. Instead, it was beautiful. She used to tell me about how rain made everything grow, and that when I woke up in the morning, the world would be prettier for it.”  
  
“Daddy?” It’s a quiet question, so Kurt knows it means Blaine might be afraid of upsetting him with it.  
  
“Yes, sweetheart?”  
  
“Your Mama playin’ too?” Blaine asks, quietly and softly.  
  
Kurt feels his chest tighten at the question, but kisses Blaine’s forehead. “I think she is, baby. I think she’s playing right now, and that’s why the thunder is so loud. She keeps getting strikes.”

Blaine wraps an arm around his neck, in a half hug. It’s meant to comfort them both. Kurt holds him closely, inhaling the beautiful scent of his baby boy. He still doesn’t believe in God, but he can’t help believing in heaven and angels now. Heaven was the moments like these with his little boy, and he knew angels existed because there was one in his arms right now.  
  
Burt is standing just out of view of the doorway. He’d come upstairs just in time to hear Kurt tell Blaine a story that his first wife had told his son many a time before. Hearing Kurt pass it on was possibly one of the most moving moments for him as a parent. He’d always hoped that Kurt would pass on those kinds of stories to his children. And now, in a way, he had. It was a beautiful moment, and though he’d go to his grave denying it, he couldn’t help tearing up a little.

Blaine snuggles into his Daddy, feeling much better, and sighs. “Daddy…”

Kurt gives him another kiss. “I’m right here, baby. Do you feel a little better now?”  
  
“Mmmhmmm.” Comes the sleepy reply. “Can I have Maggie?”

Kurt smiles. He should have anticipated that request. He leans over one side of his bed and pulls Blaine’s comfort object onto the bed. “Of course you can.”  
  
Blaine wastes no time in pulling her into a tight hug, earning a soft chuckle from Kurt. Blaine enjoys when he can hear Daddy’s voice this way. It makes him happy inside.

Kurt, meanwhile, is thinking on what to tell Blaine about his Dad knowing about this. He doesn’t want to scare Blaine, but at the same time, he thinks Blaine knowing about his acceptance of him would be very good for him. Blaine knew that Finn knew about it and was okay with it. Heck, he’d even taken to referring to him as “Uncle Finn” during their playtime. He wonders, and hopes, that maybe Blaine will take to his Dad in that same fashion.  
  
“Sweetheart?” Kurt asks softly.

“Mmmmm?”

“Daddy wants to talk to you about something important, okay? Can you put your big boy listening ears on for me?”  
  
Blaine opens his eyes, and nods. Looking a little innocent and more than a little scared.  
  
Kurt decides to continue. “You know how Uncle Finn knows about you and has been very accepting of you?”  
  
Blaine nods, sucking at his thumb a little faster.  
  
“Well, Grandpa saw you before your nap, and Daddy talked to him. He accepts you just as much as Uncle Finn does.” Kurt says, then waits, gauging a reaction.

Blaine cocks his head to one side, trying to take in this new information. Grandpa knew about him?! He didn’t like the sound of that. But Daddy said it was okay, and that Grandpa accepted him, so did that mean it was really okay? He didn’t know, and it made him a little scared. He twined his fingers a little deeper in Daddy’s shirt.  
  
“It’s alright, sweetheart. Daddy promises. Daddy would never lie to you. You know that, right?”  
  
Blaine sniffles a little, but nods.   
  
Kurt kisses his forehead and rubs his back. “My brave boy. Daddy is so proud of you, sweetheart. And just think, you get another person who will love this part of you just like I do. Isn’t that exciting?” He says, making his voice extra excitable for his little boy’s benefit.  
  
Blaine doesn’t quite know how to take that, but smiles a little at Daddy’s tone.  
  
“That’s a little smile, but I want to see a big one.” Kurt sing-songs. Blaine looks up at him curiously, to see a devious smile on Daddy’s face. He knows what that means. But before he can do anything, Daddy is tickling him. And he’s squealing happily.

After a short time, Kurt smiles. “Much better.” He says, pressing a kiss to his boy’s forehead.

As Blaine catches his breath, he speaks again. “Daddy?”  
  
“Yes, sweetheart?”  
  
“Can I call Grandpa “Papaw” instead? Like it better.”  
  
Kurt’s smile is breathtaking. “I’m sure he’d love that, baby. And he’ll love you.”  
  
“How you know, Daddy?” Blaine asks, eyes wide.  
  
Kurt smiles. “Because it’s just what Daddies do.”  
  
Outside the door, unseen, Burt smiles and nods at that, before heading back downstairs.


	6. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine has a nightmare that causes an accident.

It’s very rare when Kurt and Blaine get to have sleepovers together.   
  
Initially in their relationship they’d had to confine it to weekends when Blaine’s parents were away, with Kurt making an excuse to his Dad that he was staying at a friend’s house. Now, however, it was slightly different. They still had to confine it to weekends when Blaine’s parents were away, but now Burt was privy to the little boy and Daddy aspect of their relationship. So now all Kurt has to do is tell his Dad that he’s going to Blaine’s to take care of him, and he has a free pass.   
  
This weekend is a sleepover weekend, and even though Kurt told his Dad it was a Daddy-Baby weekend, the truth is they’d spent most of the day cuddling and watching movies, occasionally talking and making out. Now, it’s late in the evening and they’re both tired.  
  
Kurt gives Blaine a kiss on the lips. “Ready for bed?”  
  
“Yeah. I’m beat. All the anxiety from finals is really getting to me.”  
  
“Not to mention the stress of Sebastian trying to make moves on you.” Kurt adds.  
  
“Yeah… That too.” Blaine says, shifting a bit uncomfortably.  
  
Kurt touches his arm in what he hopes to be a soothing gesture. “Hey. It’s okay. Sebastian is never going to touch what we have.” Blaine gets very quiet, which worries Kurt. “What is it?”  
  
“What if-“ Blaine cuts himself off, realizing he hasn’t figured out how to say this well. “What if Sebastian uses what he knows about us to try and blackmail us into breaking up?”  
  
Kurt takes in a breath. “You mean your slip from your eye injury.” It’s a statement, not a question.  
  
Blaine nods. “Yes. That.”  
  
Kurt pauses a moment, trying to figure out what to say. “Look, if Sebastian ever tries something like that, We can take him to the police for it. Blackmail is illegal. And Sebastian isn’t stupid enough to get his name on a police report twice in a year. He’s going to protect himself above anybody else. And that’s the difference between him and I. Because I’ll always protect you over anybody else.” Kurt promises.  
  
The reassurance makes Blaine feel a million times better, and he pulls Kurt in for a long kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Kurt smiles. “Now let’s get ready for bed.”  
  
Blaine smiles at that, and follows Kurt upstairs, where they do skincare together, before they get dressed in Pajamas for bed. Kurt has brought along a pair of silk pajamas in a Burgundy color, while Blaine throws on a pair of gray pajamas made of cotton. They brush their teeth together, before they finally climb into bed together, flicking out the lights, and sharing a chaste kiss.  
  
“Goodnight, Kurt.”  
  
“Goodnight, Blaine.”  
  
With that, the both of them fell asleep together.

* * *

  
_Sebastian stared at him, sitting across from him at The Lima Bean, in a way that made him feel so naked, and vulnerable. He wanted to push back from the table, but Sebastian’s hand was keeping him there. He wanted to yank his hand away and wash it under scalding water, but the look in Sebastian’s eyes was so demanding that he simply couldn’t make himself let go.  
  
“What do you want, Sebastian?” He asked, voice not coming out as confidently or as clearly as he’d hoped it would.  
  
“I want what I’ve always wanted, Blaine. You.” Sebastian’s voice was velvety smooth._

_“I told you, I’m not messing up what I have with Kurt. I really care about him, and I don’t want anybody else.”  
  
“Oh, I think you’ll change your tune, little warbler.” Sebastian shifted his position from leaning backward to leaning forward. “After all, little boys your age aren’t old enough to be in a serious relationship. Isn’t that right?” He asked, before giving a grin reminiscent of The Joker.  
  
Blaine froze, but sat a little straighter, trying to project confidence when all of his was crumbling underneath the false veneer. “I don’t know what you mean.”  
  
Sebastian chuckled a little softly. “Yes you do. Yes. You. Do. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s adorable, and I might be into it, but I doubt anybody else will be when they find out.”_

_“You wouldn’t_ dare. _” Blaine managed to choke out.  
  
Sebastian leaned forward a little more. “Try me.”_

_Blaine couldn’t stop the gulp that happened at the words. He wanted to run, right then and there, but he couldn’t do it because he knew Sebastian was serious. This wasn’t a game for Blaine, but it obviously was for Sebastian. And as much as he didn’t want to admit it, Sebastian was winning.  
  
Sebastian moved in a fluid movement, getting up from the table, and crossing over to Blaine, never once removing his hand from atop Blaine’s. It was a possessive move. Blaine was under his thumb now, and he didn’t want him to forget it. Not that Blaine could, of course, with Sebastian standing over him like a towering skyscraper.  
  
“You’re mine now.”  
  
The whisper goes into Blaine’s ear, making him shudder and nearly cry. All he can think of is Kurt, and how awful this would be for him. The thought brings him to tears, but before he can even sob, Sebastian is kissing him, warm tongue sliding into his mouth like the serpent his green eyes reminded Blaine of.   
  
When Sebastian pulled away, grinning like the Cheshire Cat, Blaine looked up to see Kurt’s horrified and betrayed eyes staring at him, before he ran out of the café._

_In that moment, Blaine knew it was all over. Kurt would never love him again._

* * *

_  
_“Blaine?! Blaine, wake up!” _  
_  
Blaine jolts awake, letting out a half-scream half-sob and feeling hot tears streaming down his face as he does. He curls himself into a ball on his side, sobbing with uninhibited abandon.  
  
 _Daddy’s gone and never coming back, all because I’m a dumb baby. I ruined everything._

Kurt has no idea what he was dreaming of before, but Blaine screaming woke him up sharply, and he doesn’t really care about that anymore. When Blaine wakes up, he’s screaming and sobbing in what can only describe as hysterics. The thing he doesn’t understand though, is why Blaine is curling up into himself, when normally during a nightmare he flings himself into Kurt for comfort. The fact that he isn’t is particularly distressing.

“Blaine? Blaine, what’s wrong? What happened?” He asks, but doesn’t touch Blaine yet. He isn’t sure what set him off and doesn’t want to make it worse.  
  
The sound of Kurt’s voice reaches Blaine, and he looks over at him, as if trying to confirm that he’s real. When he realizes that Kurt is really there, he throws himself into his arms.  
  
“I’m sorry, Daddy! I’m sorry! I’m so so sorry!” Came the despairing wails.  
  
It takes a moment for Kurt to register all of that, before he wraps his arms around Blaine. “You have nothing to be sorry for, baby. Not a thing. What happened, sweetheart?” His voice holds the kind of crooning lilt he only uses when Blaine is in acute distress.  
  
Blaine doesn’t answer, still crying too hard to do so.

It’s then that Kurt registers that it feels like bed is getting colder. When he realizes that Blaine is now in his headspace, he puts two and two together, and realizes that Blaine must have had an accident. But he won’t deal with that until Blaine is calmed down.

Blaine continues sobbing, distressed. He understands that Daddy is really there, but isn’t entirely sure Daddy won’t just leave either. Not after what he’d done. So he cries, despairing the possibility of Daddy going, all while simultaneously feeling relieved that he’s there in the first place. It takes a long time before he cries all the tears he has and just clings to his Daddy like a limpet, shaking.  
  
Kurt follows the usual nightmare protocol, giving Blaine kisses, holding him tight, rubbing his back, and offering reassurance every step of the way. But whatever this particular nightmare was seems to have affected him deeply, and he worries the usual just won’t be good enough in this case. But when Blaine finally cries himself out and just clings to him, shaking like a wet dog in the cold, Kurt decides he can try again.  
  
“What has my baby boy so upset, hmmm?” He asks, gentle and soothing.  
  
“I’m sorry, Daddy! I didn’t mean to be a bad boy! I didn’t want to, but Sebastian made me! Please don’t leave me!” He begged.

Kurt was aghast at the admission. “Baby, what did Sebastian make you do? Daddy’s not understanding.” He said slowly, rubbing his back.  
  
“I didn’t wanna, Daddy! I didn’t wanna kiss him! But he said he’d tell everybody about me and I was too scared to move! I didn’t mean to make you sad, Daddy! I’m sorry!” Came the anguished sobs.  
  
It takes a moment for Kurt to understand what’s happening, but when he does it brings him more relief than it probably should.  
  
“Oh, sweetheart. That was a dream, baby. It wasn’t real. You didn’t do anything wrong that you need to apologize for. Do you understand? You didn’t do anything bad, sweetie.”  
  
The words sink in slowly for Blaine, and he looks up very slowly and cautiously. “Not bad?” He asks in the tiniest voice that absolutely breaks Kurt’s heart.  
  
“No, baby. You didn’t do anything bad. I promise.” He says, giving Blaine a kiss.  
  
Blaine sniffles, but when he sags against Kurt in relief, Kurt knows the message has gotten through, and that makes him feel much better.

What he has to do next, however, will make him feel a lot worse.  
  
“Sweetheart?”  
  
Blaine peers up at him. Kurt feels so inherently awful about what he’s about to say but he knows he has to say it.   
  
“Now don’t be upset, but you had a little accident, and Daddy needs to clean you up. Let Daddy run you a warm bath, and we’ll get you all clean again, okay?” He coos.  
  
Blaine’s breath hitched as he realized for the first time the coldness of the bed. He couldn’t stop the tears from coming down. “I didn’t mean to potty in bed, Daddy! I’m sorry!” He cried.  
  
“Oh sweetheart, there’s nothing to be sorry for! It was an accident, baby. You had a scary dream and your body didn’t tell you It was time to potty. It happens to a lot of little boys. We’ll just get you cleaned up and in a diaper so you can go to bed and not have to worry about any accidents, okay?” Kurt croons to him. After a moment, Blaine nods.  
  
Kurt gives him a kiss. “Okay, sweet boy. Can you be a big boy for me and go to the bathroom for Daddy and get undressed while Daddy gets the bed taken care of? Then Daddy will get you in a nice warm bath and get you all nice and clean.” He promises.  
  
Blaine nods, determined to complete the task and make his Daddy proud of him, and scampers off to the bathroom, as Kurt strips the bed. When he gets out of his pajamas, Kurt takes them too, and instructs him to wait there while he puts everything in the laundry.  
  
Blaine waits, shivering a little. He waits for what seems like forever, when in actuality is only a few minutes. But because he’s standing naked in the bathroom, more than a little cold, it feels like an eternity. Finally, Kurt returns, and passes him to get the water in the tub flowing, before kissing his forehead. “Good boy.” He praises, and it makes Blaine light up inside.

Kurt makes sure the water is perfect before he adds the bubble bath he knows Blaine loves. When the bath is full of bubbles, he helps Blaine step inside, before rolling up his sleeves and preparing to get to work.  
  
“Do you want Daddy to wash your hair with his magic hands, baby?” Kurt asks softly. He knows Blaine always loves that (even though it frustrates him severely because of all that hair gel his boyfriend uses) and it’s sure to get a smile from him.  
  
Kurt isn’t disappointed when Blaine gives him a big, bright smile. “Magic hands!” He cheers, clapping his hands happily.

Kurt feels intense relief at seeing his little boy so happy after being so upset earlier. He can’t even bring himself to get frustrated at the texture of Blaine’s hair from all that hair gel. What surprises him is how easy it is to get the gel out. Usually it takes more effort to get it out, but it doesn’t take as much as usual. The thought that the reason is because he was sweating so much from his nightmare. It leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, but he puts on a cheerful face for his little boy.   
  
Blaine squirms happily at the feeling of Daddy’s magic hands in his hair. A bit of water sloshes out of the tub and onto Kurt’s knee, but he doesn’t mind. A happy Blaine made him happy, and compared to the sobbing boy of earlier, it was a beautiful change. Blaine, meanwhile, felt much better. Daddy’s magic hands always made him feel happy, and now that he didn’t feel so yucky, he felt much happier.

When the gel was massaged out from his hair, Kurt grabbed the small blue cup they used for a rinse. “Head back, sweetheart.”  
  
Blaine obeyed, and Kurt rinsed out the shampoo before lathering in the conditioner. At that point, Blaine had nearly been reduced to mush, and Kurt was supporting his weight for the most part. After that, Kurt rinsed out his hair, before he began to wash Blaine’s body.   
  
Normally, Washing Blaine’s body was a sensual activity, reserved for when they were both in the shower that often led to love making between them, but now it was simply for getting his little boy clean. Blaine didn’t even react to it, really, he was so far gone. 

Kurt didn’t waste time letting Blaine sink further into sleep. “Okay, baby. Stand uppies for Daddy so he can get you dry and get your diaper on.” He said, a bit more authority in his tone.  
  
Blaine whines, not wanting to be disturbed from the embrace of sleep, but knows better than to disobey a direct order. Kurt helps him to stand, and climb out of the tub, before he began to dry him off. When Blaine was dry, Kurt nudged him over to the bed, where he had him sit as he got out the changing mat and diapers.  
  
He had Blaine lay down, and got him into a new diaper. Blaine seemed so out of it during his change that Kurt almost thought he’d fallen asleep. He’d changed him into some new pajamas, slipped a pacifier in his mouth, and done the same for himself, before he pulled some new sheets from Blaine’s linen closet and made up the bed. By that point, it seemed to him that his little boy was fast asleep.  
  
Kurt had picked him up enough to lay him in bed before getting into bed beside him and giving his boy a kiss.

“Daddy?”  
  
The word comes out so softly that Kurt almost doesn’t catch it. “What is it, baby boy?"  
  
“You stay for ni-ni time?”

“Daddy isn’t leaving you anytime, baby. Now get some sleep, sweet boy. I’ll see you in the morning.” Kurt promises.

With that, Blaine falls asleep.

Kurt is awake long after him, full of righteous anger at Sebastian. Sebastian had caused so many problems with Blaine, and Kurt can’t stand it. He can’t bear to see his little boy hurting because of one person. Especially when that one person is Sebastian.  
  
He looks down at Blaine’s sleeping face. His long eyelashes, his innocent expression, his look of peace. Kurt knows that he will do whatever it takes to protect the little boy in his arms. He makes a promise to him, by the light of the moon, to never let anybody touch what they have with one another. Someday, he’ll go after Sebastian, and it will be a knock-down, drag-out, fight with both of them bloody but only one victorious. Kurt, however, falls asleep comforted, because he knows that he will be the one coming out the winner.   
  
Unlike Sebastian, who only cared about his own needs, he actually has someone to fight for.


	7. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Sebastian face one another in a heated confrontation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, I had SO MUCH fun with this chapter, it should have been illegal. Writing the insults between Kurt and Sebastian was the most fun I've had in a while! I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did!
> 
> Possibly a two-part story. I'm not sure yet.

The Lima Bean was often a favored gathering place for the glee club at McKinley High School. 

Every so often, all of them would pile into the small café and grab coffee while discussing the current events both in the club and occasionally in their lives. This warm Saturday morning was no exception.  
  
Mercedes, Artie, Tina, Mike, Puck, Santana, Finn, Rachel, Brittany, Quinn, Sam, Kurt, and Blaine had put a few tables together, bearing coffee cups and a few baked goods as they talked about what was going on in the glee club, mainly their set list for Regionals. They were so involved in their discussion that they did not notice one Dalton Academy Warbler coming toward them.  
  
Sebastian Smythe strode forward with a panther’s ease, eyes locked on his target. It was incredible to him to think that with all the chemistry between them, Blaine hadn’t sensed his presence yet.  
  
But Kurt did.  
  
Kurt seemed to have a particular set of antennae for Sebastian, when he was near. So when he sensed the man’s presence, his head shot up like a bullet, eyes cold and steely.

Kurt’s suddenly tense posture drew Blaine’s attention as well as the rest of the New Directions, who immediately halted their discussion as they turned to gaze at him, eyes just as cold. Blaine shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and unconsciously drew closer to Kurt.

“Well, well, well, look what the wind blew in.” Sebastian says, breezily.

“Look what the cat dragged in.” Kurt replies, not missing a beat. “I heard cats are supposed to drag in things for their owners to eat, but I don’t think anyone here is interested in something so rotten.”  
  
“Rotten? I’ll have you know my moves are as fresh as ever.” Sebastian shoots back, looking directly at Blaine.  
  
“Fresh from the grave, maybe.” Kurt says. He notices Blaine entwining his hand in his, a sign that he’s nervous, and gives his hand a squeeze.  
  
Sebastian’s snake-like green eyes zero in on Blaine, shifty and scheming as ever. Blaine squeezes Kurt’s hand with all his might, but doesn’t let his fear show in his face. It shows in his body language, however, and that’s something Sebastian can work with.  
  
“What’s the matter, little warbler? Cat got your tongue?” Sebastian says, leaning in toward him, His tone taking a condescending air. “Don’t worry, maybe someday you’ll get to sing with the big boys again if you ever get old enough to go by yourself. Or do you need Daddy to help you with that too?"  
  
Kurt’s response is so instantaneous it draws the attention of everyone at the table. He stands up, chair slamming against the back wall from the sudden motion. His eyes hold the kind of murderous gaze they’d only seen in Rachel when she was competing for a solo.  
  
“If you’re smart, you’ll get up, walk out this door, and never bother us again.” Kurt’s voice is somehow both calm and full of unchecked rage.

Sebastian leans in closer. “Or what?”  
  
“I _make_ you leave. Apparently you’re not smart enough to realize when you aren’t wanted, so I’ll have to make it clear to you: Nobody likes you. Your snobby attitude is worse than Lana Turner’s taste in men. You have absolutely no idea how to tell when you’re not wanted. Blaine doesn’t want to date you. If you want to fuck all the boys in Scandals, that’s fine. But leave my boyfriend alone. He’s told you he’s not interested, and you need to stop harassing him and the rest of us. So why don’t you take your Dick Clark hair, and your last season Prada shoes, and stomp yourself down to the basement of a warehouse with the rest of the bargain basement trash where you belong?” Kurt’s voice was heated and he spoke through his teeth, barely above a whisper, but it contained more anger than any of the rest of them could match shouting.

Silence blanketed the table. Nobody seemed to move or breathe. Even Finn, Puck, Sam, and Mike, all of whom were on the football team and could have enforced the threat, were completely still. Finn in particular wanted to help his stepbrother, but he sensed, as did the others, that this was Kurt’s fight to win alone.

Sebastian cocks his head to one side, letting out a chuckle. “First of all, these shoes aren’t last season. Second of all, your taste in clothing is about as good as your singing, which is terrible. Third, I’m not the trash here. _You are_. If you really wanted what was best for Blaine, you would have let him stay with a winning team instead of dragging him over to Losers-R-Us. And for the record, if you could see what I’ve done in bargain basements, you wouldn’t use it as an insult.”  
  
“Oh, I think I would. Because you’re the only thing cheaper and tawdrier than the clothes they sell there. And at least those clothes are worth something. You just throw yourself around for free to anybody who wants it. Those clothes at least have value. You? Well, you have about as much value as a 99 cent ring that turns your finger green. You clearly don’t value yourself enough to try and commit to one person.”  
  
“I value myself more than anybody ever could, because I know I’m a prize that only deserves the best. And when I find out I don’t have the best, I drop them like the garbage they are.”

“You mean like _you_ are. If you actually had a decent bone in your body you’d realize that treating other people like garbage just makes _you_ trashy. So why don’t you do yourself a favor and shut your mouth for once before I shut it for you. _No means no._ So why don’t you _grow up_ and learn to take rejection for once in your life? Maybe it will even make you a partly decent person.” Kurt’s words were piercing.

“Didn’t your mother ever teach you to share?”  
  
“Actually she taught me to protect those I love above all else. I’m doing that. I think your parents still need to teach you that you can’t always get what you want. But since they didn’t, I will. You’re not touching my boyfriend, and if you come near us again, I will call the police for what you did to that slushie, and for your constant harassment. Now get the hell out of here, and don’t come back.” Kurt says, eyes and voice icy.

They stare at one another a long moment, before Sebastian spares a glance at Blaine, and then walks out of the café.

Finally, Kurt turns to look at Blaine, and immediately grows concerned.

His head is down, his eyes are shut, and he’s far paler than normal. Kurt knows what this means. He’s seen the signs of Blaine about to have an anxiety attack before. Knowing this, he responds quickly, helping Blaine from his chair, and taking Blaine to the nearest place of privacy he could think of- his car.  
  
As soon as he gets Blaine inside, he sits beside him and can only watch as Blaine cradles his knees to his chest, lowers his face to his knees, and begins to rock back and forth, crying. Kurt knows how much Blaine hates confrontations like this- at least when they’re about him. Part of him feels terrible about it, because he knows his boy is in distress, but at the same time, he can’t help but feel like he just beat the devil.

He pulls Blaine into his arms to hold him, cursing the car’s small space. He can hear Blaine whimpering “No” under his breath, and it’s breaking his heart. It’s when Blaine begins to hyperventilate that Kurt flies into a frenzy, trying to find him a paper bag to breathe into. He always keeps one in the car for this exact reason. Finally, he finds it, and puts it over Blaine’s mouth for him.  
  
“Breathe into the bag, baby. Nice and slow.” He encourages gently. Slowly, Blaine complies and does as asked, still crying, but calmer. Kurt, however, is not encouraged by this. He knows the hysterics will come out in full force sooner or later, and doesn’t flatter himself by thinking that this will be the time he’s able to avoid it.

When Blaine gets his breathing calmed down, the sobbing begins. He flings himself around Kurt, clinging to him and wrapping himself around him as though he wanted to sink inside of him and live there forever. Kurt holds him tightly, rubbing his back softly, and whispering reassurances in his ear. He knew that just confirmed a lot of Blaine’s fears, and he isn’t sure how he’ll be able to calm him down. He still doesn’t know how to calm _himself_ down after that infuriating exchange, but he pushes his feelings far beneath the surface, and simply focuses on comforting Blaine.

Blaine knows his crying sounds like an infant wailing. He knows, but he can’t stop, even though he wants to. He’s scared, terrified that the secret is out, that the cat is out of the bag. The intense feeling that his life is over, that nothing will ever be the same again, is so strong that he can’t stop crying. It’s only Daddy holding him that keeps him from turning to a puddle of tears, trying to make the earth swallow him whole so he doesn’t ever have to show his face again.

Kurt, meanwhile, is holding Blaine so tightly it’s as though he thinks that if he holds him tightly enough that he can keep him from falling apart. Blaine’s wailing twists something deep inside of him, and breaks his heart. He knows that all of this is Sebastian’s fault, that Sebastian couldn’t take no for an answer, but some part of him insists that he had a hand in it too. That he could have dealt with Sebastian in a way that didn’t put Blaine in such an awkward position. Parental guilt was a heavy burden indeed.

The paper bag is needed a second time when Blaine begins hyperventilating again. Kurt hasn’t ever seen this happen twice in one day, but considering the events of the day, he didn’t think it impossible. Instead, he calmly held the bag for Blaine, and waited for his breathing to slow down. That time, Blaine seemed to calm down a lot more, his sobs dwindling to whimpers, then sniffles and hiccups.  
  
Kurt kisses his forehead. “My brave boy. Daddy’s so proud of you for being so strong. You did such a good job. I’m sorry you were so scared, sweetheart. But you’re a good boy, a very good boy. And everything will be okay.”  
  
Blaine holds to Daddy as if he’s the only buoy in the ocean. The words take time to reach him, and he doesn’t think he can bring himself to look up at him. He murmurs something that Kurt doesn’t quite catch.  
  
“What was that, sweetheart?” He asks softly.  
  
“‘m Bad.” It’s a murmur.  
  
“You’re not bad, baby. Why would you think that?” Kurt crooned softly, carding his fingers through his boy’s hair.  
  
“’S my fault, Daddy. I ruin everything ‘cause I a dumb baby.” The words are spoken like a deathbed confession, and they break Kurt’s heart.

“Sweetheart, you didn’t ruin anything. Listen to Daddy. This isn’t your fault. _Sebastian_ was the one who made you feel uncomfortable. _Sebastian_ was the one who threw that slushie. _Sebastian_ was the one who made fun of you. And all of that is his problem. It doesn’t make you bad, and it isn’t your fault, either. You are who you are, baby. You can’t change that, and I wouldn’t want you to. Because you’re my perfect little boy. I don’t care what anybody else thinks, as long as you’re happy. You’re such a smart little boy, and you’re perfect the way you are. I love you, baby. I just wish I could love you enough to make you love yourself.”

The last words in the sentence are a whisper, and it takes Blaine a moment to realize that Kurt is crying. He looks up for the first time and sees him cry. Daddy didn’t ever cry. Blaine reaches up in horrified fascination to wipe the tear from Daddy’s cheek, awestruck by the fact that it was real.  
  
“Daddy sad?” He asked softly.

“A little, baby. Daddy’s just sad that you feel so bad about yourself. Daddy wishes you could see yourself through his eyes, so you could understand just how special and lovable you are.” Kurt answers, smiling a bit. “You’re the best thing in Daddy’s life. Daddy just wants you to know how loved you are.”  
  
Blaine slips his thumb into his mouth, thinking. He really didn’t want Daddy to be sad. He was already sad enough for the both of them. But maybe if he could be sad for them both, then maybe Daddy could love him for the both of them too? That sounded like a good idea.  
  
“Daddy?”  
  
“What is it, sweetheart?” Kurt asks, wiping his eyes.  
  
“Daddy love me for both of us?”  
  
Blaine feels rewarded when Daddy smiles and gives him a kiss. “Absolutely, munchkin. If you’re ever having a hard time loving yourself, you just let Daddy know and he’ll help you through it.”

Blaine finds himself smiling, and gives his Daddy a cuddle. “Daddy, home?”  
  
“Of course, sweetheart. Daddy will take you home now, and we can spend the rest of the day together. How’s that?”  
  
Blaine nods, pleased with the idea. He pops his thumb from his mouth long enough to get into the backseat. Even though he really didn’t want to go out of the front seat with Daddy, he knew he needed to be safe in the backseat so he didn’t get hurt. Daddy leans in to buckle him in, and gives him a kiss. Then, they go back to the Anderson home, with Kurt feeling more than a little victorious.

For once, Sebastian hadn’t won their little tit-for-tat, and Kurt can go home safe in the knowledge that he protected his little boy, and succeeded in taking Sebastian down a peg. He didn’t delude himself into thinking this was over. In fact, he suspected it may just be beginning. But today, he won, and that’s something to feel great about.


	8. Confrontation- Part 2 (Aftermath)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the wake of Kurt and Sebastian's confrontation, The glee club rallies around Blaine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small excerpt taken from "Oh, The Places You'll Go!" by Dr. Seuss.

Kurt drives to the Anderson home on a sort of autopilot. His head is still spinning from his confrontation with Sebastian and Blaine’s reaction in the aftermath. There are so many thoughts going through his mind that focusing on the road becomes a challenge. But he’s still there mentally, just barely, but he is. The only consistent thought in his head is to get Blaine home so that he could regress in safety.  
  
When they arrive, he helps Blaine out of the car immediately and ushers him inside, noting how Blaine’s posture immediately relaxes in the familiar surroundings. He leads him upstairs, noticing that Blaine doesn’t seem to really be there either. It seemed his little boy was in a faraway place in his mind too. Kurt hopes that getting him changed and having some cuddles together will help with that.  
  
He unrolls the changing mat as soon as they get to Blaine’s room, and lays him down, removing the pants and boxers Blaine wore today with practiced ease. It’s a bit more difficult to diaper him when Blaine isn’t helping, but Kurt manages. Then, deciding he needed to be put in some little boy clothes, Kurt pulls out a pair of jean shorts from Blaine’s closet and slides them up his little boy’s waist. He removes Blaine’s thumb from his mouth, and only receives a small whine of protest from him before he replaces it with a pacifier.

Blaine, meanwhile, was lost inside his mind, thinking some very deep thoughts. He couldn’t stop thinking about what Sebastian had said. He had been scared when Sebastian talked to him, and frightened by what he’d said, but… There was something else bothering him now that he was thinking about it. The rest of New Directions hadn’t said anything when Sebastian had. He’d expected them to, in a way. He’d expected laughter, particularly from the football team (well, except Uncle Finn maybe, ‘cause Uncle Finn knew him), but it never came. Did that mean something? He wasn’t too sure. He was worried about what would happen on Monday when he went back to school. Would they bring it up? More importantly, what would Sebastian do now? That was the thought that scared him the most, and he couldn’t help but whimper at that.

Kurt catches the small whimper, and immediately pulls Blaine into his arms to cuddle him. “It’s alright, sweetheart. You’ve had a rough day, huh sweet boy?” He coos, giving Blaine a kiss and snuggling him.

Blaine, seeming to come back to reality a little, nods. Kurt gives him a kiss.

“How about Daddy reads you a story, hmmm? Would you like that, sweetheart?”

Blaine nods, and Kurt picks him up to get him onto the bed for some story time.

Unbeknownst to the both of them, the New Directions had had a rather serious discussion after they’d left the café.

Puck looked to Finn. “Dude, I’m pretty sure your stepbrother just slaughtered that guy in gay insults.”  
  
Finn nodded, more than a bit distracted by what had just gone on. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure he did.”

Rachel took note of the distracted tone in his voice and put a hand over his. “Finn? What’s going through your head right now?”

Finn paused, unable to quite put what he was feeling into words. “I don’t know. I guess I just never really thought about all this too much. I mean, I know you guys haven’t really talked about the Slushie incident but I kinda think we should.”

Silence came over the table. For an instant, nobody seemed to move. Then, Tina spoke.  
  
“I don’t know about the rest of you guys, but even though it was weird, what they do is their business. I honestly feel a lot worse that Sebastian is using that as blackmail to try and break them up.” She said.

“Yeah… Me too.” Sam said quietly.  
  
“It’s not fair.” Mercedes said. “I mean, he’s trying to pick them apart with blackmail. And they’re both our friends. They deserve so much better than that.”  
  
“I think Kurt did the right thing telling Sebastian to back off, you know? He shouldn’t have to take that.” Artie said.

“I would have done the same thing if somebody had come after my girl.” Puck nodded. “Probably worse, actually. Good for him for taking the high road. I wouldn’t have.”  
  
“Finn,” Mike’s voice cut through Puck’s musings. “Did you know about that part of their relationship?”  
  
“It’s kind of impossible not to when we live across the hall from each other.” Finn pointed out  
  
“And you just never said anything?”

Finn shrugged. “It didn’t have to do with me. Kurt’s covered for me before when Rachel’s been over. I cover for him when he and Blaine want to…” Finn waved a hand in the air. “Do that.”  
  
“And you never told _me_?” There was barely-concealed accusation in Rachel’s tone.

“It had nothing to do with us, so no. Kurt’s my brother, and we help each other out when the other needs it. It doesn’t mean I have to get it or like whatever he does or gets involved with, it just means I have his back when he needs it. And you know, I’ve actually gotten to talk with Blaine a few times when he’s like that, and it’s not a huge deal. He’s just like a regular kid. And the fact that what they do in private is more important than what Sebastian is trying to do right now just sucks.”

Silence. Quiet. Everybody seemed to assimilate those words at the same time.  
  
“Finn’s right. Who cares what they do? They’re not hurting anybody. But Sebastian is. As far as I’m concerned I think we should worry about him. Like what we’re gonna do about his attitude.” Quinn said.

“My fist in that pretty-boy face would reset it real quick.” Puck Murmured.  
  
“Okay, you _just_ got off probation, let’s not get you back to juvey that quick.” Santana said.

Puck shrugged. “I’d just like to shut his mouth.”  
  
“Okay, we all would. But we all know that just talking about it isn’t going to make it happen. We can’t do anything about Sebastian right now, so we should just drop it. But we can show Kurt and Blaine we support them. I think that’s what they need most right now.” Rachel said softly.

There was a wave of nods from the New Directions members.  
  
“How are we gonna do that, though?” Asked Artie.  
  
“Kurt probably took Blaine back to his house. I know where it is because I drove him once. We could stop by and check in with them?” Finn suggested.  
  
Quinn nodded. “I think that’s a good idea.”

“Let’s go.” Rachel said. The New Directions grabbed their things, and proceeded to load up in their respective vehicles, heading for the Anderson home.

At the Anderson’s, Kurt lay on Blaine’s bed, Blaine leaning against his chest as he read him the story of _Danny and the Dinosaur._ Kurt was overjoyed to hear Blaine giggling again.

“Daddy, I wanna dinoroar fow a pet!” Blaine chirps around his pacifier.

Kurt lets out a chuckle at the word change. “You want one for a pet? Where would you put it, silly boy?”  
  
“It can sweep wif me!” He cheers.  
  
“And what if Daddy wants to sleep with you? What then, hmm?”  
  
“Dinoroar can sweep in my cwoset!” Blaine says immediately, beaming.  
  
“And get your clothes all stinky?” Kurt feigns a gasp at the idea.  
  
“No, Daddy! We give the dinoroar a bath!” He giggled.  
  
“And how are we going to do that when he’s taller than we are, little one?"  
  
“We get the hose and climb his scales like stairs!” Blaine says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
“Ahhh, I see baby. You’ve got it all figured out.”  
  
“Can we get one, Daddy?”  
  
Kurt chuckles. “We’ll see, sweetheart. We’ll see.”

Blaine lets out a small squeal and claps his hands jovially, and it makes Kurt smile. He’d take whatever happiness his little boy had over him being in tears any day. He presses a kiss to Blaine’s forehead, hugging him tightly.

New Directions, in that time, had parked their fleet of cars up and down the Anderson street, led by Finn. They approached the Anderson home trepidatiously, as if fearing they weren’t welcome. Finn, however, led the way. He half-wondered if Blaine and Kurt would answer. He begins to think about what alternatives they had if neither of them answered, before he remembers Kurt telling him that Blaine kept a key under one of the planters. But he rings the doorbell first and waits.

And waits some more.  
  
When it becomes apparent nobody will answer, Finn looks under the planter by the door, and sure enough, there’s a small gold key underneath. It’s Rachel who puts in, seeing as Finn doesn’t feel quite right about it.  
  
They enter the house, noticing the shiny hardwood floors, cream-colored walls, and high ceilings.  
  
“So this is how the other half lives…” Murmurs Sam, clearly impressed.

Quinn patted his arm soothingly, trying to calm him. “Money can’t buy happiness, Sam. I think today proved that.”

They spread out, looking for signs of Blaine and Kurt, but found none downstairs. But, when they heard the sound of laughter from upstairs, they got their clue about where to go.

They climbed the stairs quietly, one at a time, considering they weren’t sure what they would walk into.

Kurt is in the middle of reading to Blaine. Blaine’s next choice for a book had been _Oh, The Places You’ll Go!_ By Dr. Seuss. Kurt read at a steady pace, in the midst of the book.  
  
“You'll get mixed up, of course,

As you already know.

You'll get mixed up

With many strange birds as you go.

So be sure when you step.

Step with care and great tact

And remember that Life's

A Great Balancing Act.”  
  
In the middle of this story, Kurt almost doesn’t register the soft “Daddy?” That is nearly as quiet as a mouse.  
  
He pauses in his recitation. The fact that it was so quiet means Blaine was about to ask something serious. “Yes, baby?” He asks gently, kindly. He’s so invested in the conversation already that it doesn’t register with him that others are by the doorway.  
  
“Why does everyone leave me?” The question is so quiet, but so powerful it completely halts the steps of the New Directions members on the stairs.  
  
Kurt doesn’t notice it, looking down at his little boy seriously. “What do you mean, sweetheart?”  
  
“Mama is never home, and Cooper is away all the time. And He… He didn’t like me, Daddy. I don’t know what I did wrong.” The last sentence is a whimper.  
  
Kurt draws in a breath. Todd Anderson was not a subject they often discussed while in role, as Blaine preferred to speak of him as little as possible (and certainly didn’t like speaking about him when he was little), but Todd was always referred to as “He”, in or out of role. Kurt knows the words he is about to say as well as he knows the latest trends in _Vogue_.

“You didn’t do _anything_ wrong, baby. Not a thing, do you understand? You are who you are, and you can’t change that. And you shouldn’t _have_ to change it. You’re perfect as you are. You know it’s not your fault, right? It’s not your fault that he’s like that. Do you understand?” He says, seriously.

Blaine scrunches up his face in thought. Finally, he speaks. “Yes, Daddy. I know it’s… Todd’s fault.”  
  
_That_ was progress. Blaine rarely got deep enough in his headspace that he called his father by his first name, and it was a good sign. Kurt rewards him with a kiss to the forehead. “That’s right, good boy. And do you know why it’s his fault?” Kurt asks gently.

“Because he’s selfish and doesn’t care about anybody but himself.” Blaine knows his lines just the same as Kurt, though he has far more trouble believing them to be true.  
  
Kurt rewards him with another kiss and a squeeze of a hug. “That’s right, baby. But just because _He_ didn’t accept you, doesn’t mean others don’t. And he was the only one who left for the wrong reasons. Your Mommy has to go on business with Todd to make sure you have a home, and Cooper went to Los Angeles to chase his dreams. They weren’t leaving _you_ , sweetheart. Nobody could leave you. You’re too wonderful to leave.” Kurt whispers, and kisses Blaine’s head.

“Daddy?”  
  
“Yes, baby?”

“You won’t leave me… Right?” Blaine looks up at him at the end of the query.

The fear in the question, and the utter terror in Blaine’s eyes breaks Kurt’s heart. He can feel his heart leap into his throat, and his throat constrict around it. But he doesn’t shut his eyes. He keeps looking at Blaine. “ _Never_.” His fierce response is calm, but there’s no mistaking what he says. Kurt looks at him, and speaks. “I. Love. You.” He punctuates each word with a kiss to Blaine’s forehead, and his cheeks. “I’m not going anywhere, and nobody- not Sebastian, or Todd, or anybody else, is going to change that. I’m not your _Dad_ , sweetheart. I’m your _Daddy._ And Daddies don’t leave their little boys, ever.”

Blaine clings to him, taking in the words slowly. Finally, he gives Daddy a fierce hug, sobbing just a little into his shoulder. Kurt holds him so tightly some part of him thinks he might break Blaine in half. He feels a tear slide down his cheek, and kisses his boy.

Tears streak down the faces of the female New Directions members, as the men looked on solemnly. The words filled in a void for the rest of them, and suddenly the reason prompting the need for this arrangement became poignantly clear. They joined hands in solidarity, before Finn steps forward a little, gaining Kurt’s attention.

Kurt looks at them, looking both fiercely protective and somewhat concerned. Finn raises his arms up in a gesture, to tell his brother that it’s okay, they come in peace. Kurt holds up a finger, and tells them to wait, as he holds Blaine to try and calm him down. When Blaine seemed to calm down, Kurt gave him a kiss.  
  
“Sweetheart?” The word was a croon.

Blaine looked up, and Kurt gestured to the guests in the doorway. Blaine follows his gaze, and instantly freezes when he sees New Directions in the doorway. The stillness was only momentary, before he snapped his head around to bury his face in his Daddy’s neck. Kurt immediately rubbed his back and whispered some reassurances to him before he looked at his friends.

“Sorry, he’s shy.” Kurt apologizes. He knows the statement is true, even. But somehow he manages to feel a bit embarrassed for them.  
  
The New Directions members all nod, but slowly come into the room, surrounding the pair of them. When Blaine dares to peek up at them, Uncle Finn is the one in his line of sight, smiling softly. It calms him down significantly, and he begins to unbury his face.  
  
The entire group begins to hum, and they sing together. “I Won’t Let Go” by Rascal Flatts. The song serves to comfort Blaine until he’s nearly asleep. Kurt, meanwhile, wants to cry from the beautiful show of support from their friends. When it’s over, Blaine is finally smiling.  
  
Wordlessly, they all gather into a group hug, and for a moment, with his friends around him and Daddy holding him, Blaine finally feels at peace.


	9. Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How it all began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super proud of this little Oneshot. I enjoyed doing it, and I managed to do the whole thing in less than a day to boot. I'm happy to share this with you all.
> 
> Thank you all for your kind comments! They're very much appreciated.

Kurt Hummel considered himself to be a very perceptive individual.

He could sense the good or bad intentions in people, he tended to know what things would become a trend long before they did, and he was very good at reading people. Unfortunately, as with everything, he could not be on target one hundred percent of the time. And when he looked back at things that Blaine had done in the past, he realized that he should have been able to piece together what his boyfriend needed much sooner than he had.  
  
But, hindsight was always 20/20.

* * *

  
It started on a Friday Evening. Kurt had been over at Blaine’s house that evening, watching a movie. _The Sound Of Music_ had been playing on the TV in Blaine’s room, as the moon was on the rise outside. They had been Cuddling in Blaine’s bed, and Kurt had noted how heavy his boyfriend was beginning to become against him. When he turned to make a comment on it, he realized Blaine’s thumb had slipped into his mouth, and he was gently sucking on it, barely awake.  
  
 _He looks like a little kid._ Kurt had thought, but smiled at the image.

Kurt gave him a kiss, and it seemed to make Blaine sink into him like he was the comfiest pillow in the universe. It seemed as though only nanoseconds after that, Blaine had fallen asleep against him.

Much as Kurt had wanted to watch Julie Andrews sing and dance her way through the movie, he couldn’t manage to take his eyes off of Blaine’s innocent face, and couldn’t stop inhaling the scent of his hair- or rather his hair gel, which admittedly smelled pretty good.

Kurt gave him another kiss. “Goodnight, sweetheart.” He whispered, and then turned to watch the rest of the movie.

* * *

The next clue doesn’t come for a month and a half after that.

It’s the weekend, about three weeks before finals, and Blaine had asked Kurt if he’d wanted to study. Normally studying would be an excuse to just hang out and make out, but Kurt knew that when it came close to finals, his boyfriend really meant studying for them when he said that.  
  
He’d sashayed up to the Anderson home, and when he hadn’t gotten an answer used the spare key hidden under the planter to let himself in. Blaine had always told him to make himself at home, after all, and sometimes Blaine couldn’t hear the doorbell from upstairs. He would have used his phone to text his boyfriend he was there, but he’d forgotten to charge it the night before and it had died on the way here. Oh well.  
  
Kurt made his way upstairs, well on his way to his boyfriend’s room, when he caught sight of something that made him grin.  
  
Blaine was laying on the floor of his room, on his stomach, legs swinging lazily in the air as he held a red crayon in his hand and was apparently coloring in a coloring book, tongue sticking out of his mouth just a bit.  
  
Kurt couldn’t help the “Awww” that slipped out of his mouth, and Blaine jolted in surprise, before relaxing when he realized who it was.   
  
“Kurt, you scared me!” Blaine admonished, trying to catch his breath.  
  
“Sorry, sorry. I would have called when I got here but my phone died and you didn’t answer the door when I rang the bell.” He says, moving to sit next to his boyfriend. He looks down at the picture Blaine is coloring, and smiles. “And here I thought you’d have hit the books by now.”  
  
“I couldn’t relax, you know? I needed to calm down.”

“And you picked coloring instead of doing a musical number? Impressive.”  
  
“Coloring is theraputic.” Blaine said, defensively.

“I know. It’s just surprising is all. I never expected you to like that.”  
  
“Me neither. But I kind of got into it last summer and now it helps me when I feel stressed out.”  
  
“Well, I’m glad it does. You look awfully cute while doing it.” Kurt smiled.  
  
Blaine blushed, and Kurt stole the opportunity to kiss his red cheek. He could see Blaine relax after that.

“I guess we should hit the books now, huh?” Blaine asks after his face returns to it’s normal color.  
  
“We _should_ , but I kinda wanted to see how your masterpiece turns out. It looked really beautiful.”  
  
Blaine looked up at him, half surprised, half hopeful. “Really?”  
  
“Really.” The word is sincere.  
  
The smile Blaine gave him was enough to light his whole world up.

* * *

  
One week until finals.

There was one week until finals and Blaine had been anxious at every turn. In between every class Kurt caught him looking through flashcards or trying to look something up in a textbook. He knew Blaine had some test anxiety, but this was bordering on insanity. His boyfriend needed to take a break, and Kurt was going to make sure he took one whether he liked it or not.

He formed a plan immediately, and put it to action. He told Blaine he was coming over after school, and then drove back to his house to pack a bag for the night. With a quick lie about spending the night at Mercedes’, he was out the door. Finally, he stopped by Blaine’s favorite restaurant and got a huge bag of food for them both before he went to Blaine’s house.

What he found upon entering was a horror show he had thought he’d only see in college.  
  
Textbooks, flashcards, notebooks, pencils, and highlighters were all over the floor. Blaine was moving between them so quickly he seemed to be in a constant blur of motion. It took Kurt a moment to process all of this, but then, he spoke.  
  
“Blaine Devon Anderson!” The authoritative way he said it was unintentional, but it snapped Blaine from his frenzy and he looked up. “You are pushing yourself _way_ too hard. You need to take a break, so that’s why I’m here. Now come on, you’re eating a healthy dinner and we’re going to watch a movie together so you can calm down.”  
  
To Kurt’s utter surprise, Blaine did as he was told, acting meek and shy about the whole thing, as if he’d been embarrassed to be caught. Still, Kurt couldn’t help being glad he’d listened to him. It became obvious almost immediately that Blaine had barely been eating, considering how fast he devoured his food. He apparently hadn’t drank anything either, considering how quickly he chugged two bottles of water. Despite all this, Kurt couldn’t help feeling that Blaine was just waiting to try and get back to the books. He’d have to put a stop to that quickly.

“Blaine, if you think you’re going back to studying when we finish dinner, think again.” He said.  
  
“What? But I can’t-“

Kurt had stopped that excuse right in it’s tracks. “You haven’t been taking care of yourself, sweetheart. You need to stop and take a break before you hurt yourself.”  
  
Blaine had looked extremely uncomfortable at the idea, but had nodded. “O-Okay.”  
  
They’d spent the rest of the evening watching _Moulin Rouge!_ In Blaine’s room, before they’d retired to bed.  
  
Blaine, though, kept having nightmares. He failed the final. He wouldn’t go onto senior year. It would take two whole years to be with Kurt. It was his fault. He hadn’t studied. If he’d just studied that one subject more, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.   
  
He’d woken up at about the same time as Kurt, to the realization that something wasn’t right with the bed, before he realized, in horror, that he’d wet the bed.  
  
He’d felt his eyes welling up with tears of shame before Kurt even turned to look at him, and felt himself beginning to cry. Wordlessly, Kurt had pulled him into a hug.  
  
“I’m s-sorry! I didn’t m-mean to! P-Please don’t tell anyone! Please! I’ve never told a-anybody about this and I didn’t want you to find out because I didn’t want you to-“  
  
“Blaine?”  
  
“-Stop liking me. I totally understand if you want to-“

“Blaine.”  
  
“Go home. I’d even understand if you wanted to Break-“  
  
“BLAINE!”

The shout stunned Blaine into quiet, and he at last fell silent.  
  
“Good. Thank you. First of all, I wouldn’t break up with you over this. You can get that idea out of your head right now. Second of all, I’m not leaving either. But I do think we should talk about this, considering you never told anyone. Can you do that? _Calmly_?”

Blaine nodded, eyes as wide as a spooked deer. “It- It doesn’t happen a lot. Just maybe once or twice a year when I get really stressed out. My body won’t wake me up to use the bathroom because I’m so involved in a nightmare."  
  
“Nightmare?” Kurt asked, wrapping him in a half-hug. Blaine relaxed a bit at the gesture.

“That I’m going to fail the final. And then I’ll have to repeat Junior year. And then it will take me two years to graduate and by then… You might move on.”  
  
Kurt turned to look at him. “Blaine, I’m not leaving you. I _love_ you. You don’t leave the people you love. I know you’re scared of failing tests and all, but you have straight a’s. Even if you bombed the final, you’d probably be fine. But you stressing yourself out about things that might not even happen isn’t going to help you. I know you might think that if you remind yourself of what you have to lose then you’ll work harder, but at this point you’re working yourself into the ground. You need to stop, and just know that you can do this. I’ll be cheering you on every step of the way. Okay?”  
  
Blaine nodded, finally taking in the message. “Okay…"  
  
Kurt gave him a kiss. “Good. Now, you go get in the shower and I’ll get your clothes washed and make the bed. Okay?”  
  
“Okay.” Blaine nodded, and climbed out of bed.

Kurt changed into some new pajamas, gathered up his soiled pajamas along with Blaine’s, balled them up with the sheets, before taking them to the washer. He got the washer set up, and then waited until he heard the shower stop to start it up. That done, he wiped himself down with one of the moist towelettes he kept in his bag to get himself clean, and then changed into some fresh pajamas. Much as he would have liked to spend the night naked with his boyfriend, he thought it best saved for another time.  
  
Blaine emerged from the shower, nude as the day he was born. Much as Kurt would have loved to take advantage of that, he gave Blaine a pair of Pajamas with a smile. Blaine smiled, grateful yet bashful, and got dressed. Then, Kurt remade the bed with some new blankets before they climbed in together.  
  
“Feeling better?” Kurt asked, kissing his cheek.  
  
“Much. It’s… It feels good that I could tell you about that since I’ve never told anybody before. It’s relieving to know that you aren’t going to look at me any differently.” He said.  
  
“Everybody has their quirks, Blaine. And some are _far_ weirder than that. Did you know Cary Grant liked to wear women’s underwear?”

“Seriously? Wow.” Blaine said in surprise. “Is it weird that that makes me feel way better?”  
  
“Nope. Not to me. You’re never weird to me.” Kurt smiled.  
  
Their fingers entwined themselves with one another, and they smiled, sharing a kiss. “You’re never weird to me either.” Blaine whispered.  
  
“Good. Now, let’s get some sleep. I think this has been more than enough excitement for one night.”  
  
“Sounds like a good idea. Goodnight, Kurt.”  
  
“Goodnight, Blaine.”  
  
With that, they fell back asleep.  
  


* * *

  
The final piece of the puzzle, the thing that put it all together for Kurt, came a mere six days after the bedwetting incident.  
  
It was the day before finals, and Kurt was hyperaware of Blaine’s stress levels hitting their breaking point. Despite the fact that Kurt had been very vigilant about making sure Blaine took care of himself, he knew that he could only do so much. Blaine fretted about like it was the end of the world, checking and rechecking that he had books, flashcards, notebooks- anything he needed to study.  
  
He was moving around so quickly Kurt couldn’t keep up. When the last bell finally rang, Blaine shot out of class as though he was trying to avoid being run over by a car. Kurt hadn’t been able to catch him on the way out, but he knew today of all days was the most important one for seeing Blaine. Kurt had helped him take care of his physical needs the whole rest of the week, but now Kurt knew that he’d need the emotional support today.  
  
Without a word to those he passed in the halls, Kurt flew out the doors of McKinley High School, got in his car, and sped off for Blaine’s house.   
  
To his surprise, the house was not in chaos when he arrived as he expected. It was neat, orderly, and precise.  
  
So, naturally, Kurt knew something was wrong.  
  
He took the stairs two at a time, not caring that he sounded like a heard of elephants going up them, and flung Blaine’s partly-open door all the way open to see a sight that broke his heart.  
  
Blaine was curled up on his side, arms hugging his knees to his chest, as he sobbed into his pillow. It seemed to Kurt that he was trying to close in on himself, make himself as small as he possibly could, so as not to disturb the quiet of the house.   
  
The sight of him broke Kurt’s heart, and he dropped his bag and ran over to Blaine.  
  
“Blaine? Blaine, what’s wrong?” He asked. Blaine didn’t answer him, but did move onto his other side to move and attach to Kurt like a sloth hanging around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder. Kurt wrapped himself around him tightly, as if holding Blaine tight enough would piece him back together again. Kurt tried asking him what was wrong again, but got no answer.   
  
Instead, he just held him, whispering soothing words to him, until he calmed down. It was at that point Kurt realized that Blaine seemed to have cried himself to sleep.   
  
“Let’s get you to bed, sweetheart.” He said gently, and managed to get Blaine under the covers.   
  
Blaine sighed, and mumbled something under his breath.  
  
“What was that, sweetheart?” Kurt asked softly.  
  
“I love you, Daddy.” Came the slurred admission, before Blaine fell asleep.  
  
Kurt froze, his mind at a complete standstill.  
  
 _What just happened?  
  
_ He knew what had happened, he just couldn’t process it. He wondered for half a second if he’d been dreaming when he heard Blaine say that, but there’d been no mistaking what Blaine had said.  
  
Suddenly, all the behaviors and clues from the last few months clicked into place like the last quick turns of a rubicks cube. The thumb sucking, the coloring, the bedwetting, and now this. All of it wove into one answer- That Blaine hadn’t seemed to grow up all the way. But he couldn’t seem to understand what it all meant. But he wanted to.  
  
Being careful not to wake Blaine, he grabbed his phone and got on the internet, looking up “Teens who never grow up” in his google search bar. The first couple answers he got were (unsurprisingly) related to Peter Pan. But after scrolling down a little further, he found an article on something called Age Play, and clicked it.

A definition popped up, and he began to read.  
  
 _Age play is the term for consenting adults who roleplay in some way pertaining to age. Sometimes this is "infantilism", which is adults acting as babies. There are all ages. this can also include schoolgirl or schoolboy with headmaster or headmistress, and every conceivable age in between._

That was a conceivable lead he could follow. Erasing his previous search, he typed in age play and infantilism, and found a few blog articles on that that he began to read.  
  
A certain paragraph caught his attention.  
  
… _Some infantilists have a caregiver (abbreviated as cg) who take care of them while they are regressed. The caregiver can be termed anything from a Brother, Sister, Mommy, or Daddy, and even a Nanny if the infantilist so chooses. It is the caregiver’s job to provide a safe space for the infantilist to regress, and to give them the love and/or discipline they crave…_

_…There is no specific reason found as of yet as to why someone would want to return to childhood. When asked, many infantilists say that it takes them back to a simpler and less stressful time. As to the benefit of the caregivers, they have said it makes them feel good to care for another person…_

_…Age Play and Infantilism can be sexual or non-sexual depending on the preferences of the couple. Some prefer a sexual component when they play because the clothing or behavior can act as a stimulant for sex. Others simply feel as though it is wrong to touch someone in such an innocent state. As age play requires consent from both adults, boundaries and limitations should be talked about with and consented to by both parties…_

_…Infantilists can have incredibly low self esteem, and often require reassurance that they are still good people. They often feel incredibly insecure about themselves in or sometimes out of such a vulnerable state. As such, showing such a vulnerable side of one’s self can mean a great deal of trust has been placed within the other person in order to reveal that part of themselves to them. Caregivers must be mindful of that trust and take care not to do anything to upset them. Of those interviewed, the chief fear among infantilists is that they will be viewed as “Annoying” or “Too Clingy” by those who care for them._

Kurt didn’t have to read any more of the article from that point to realize that this was exactly what was going on inside Blaine’s head. He knew his boyfriend so well that he wondered how he hadn’t thought about this beforehand. What he didn’t know, however, was if he would be able to take on the role that Blaine was asking him to.

Kurt hadn’t ever considered fatherhood beyond the abstract concept. He’d planned for children someday in the future, hopefully with Blaine. But the idea of Blaine being the child was an oddly intoxicating idea. Seeing how he looked now just seemed so… _right_. Kurt had spent many hours gazing at Blaine’s face while asleep, but now, seeing it in this context, it seemed so… _fitting_. His face looked so innocent and peaceful, Kurt couldn’t help comparing it to a child having fallen asleep in his parent’s lap. He leaned down to give Blaine a kiss on the forehead. It was a very chaste kiss, not sexually charged like their usual kisses. The thought passed through his mind that maybe he could do this.

He pulled his phone back out and began looking at what supplies they had for adults who liked Age Play. As it turned out, there were a great many. Adult pacifiers, diapers, clothing for babies in adult sizes, plus accessories and toys, and even some furniture (though the incredibly high furniture costs made him think that was something best saved for someday). He saw that there was a store in Columbus that sold those kinds of things, and made a mental note of it for later.

Then, Kurt noticed an odd sound, and saw a dark stain spreading around the bed.  
  
Shit. Blaine had wet the bed.  
  
Kurt could only imagine the histrionics that would ensue when Blaine awoke, but for now could only be grateful that it hadn’t gotten on any of his clothes. This was the new collection from Marc Jacobs, after all.  
  
It was around that time that Blaine began to stir, yawning, and sleepily scrubbing at one eye. In the hazy fog of barely waking, he could forget about what he’d said before. But when he moved his legs just a bit, he realized the bed was damp. Everything that happened before flooded back to him in a rush, and he jolted up in bed as though shocked out of a dream.

“It’s okay, it’s alright.” Kurt said, pulling him into a hug.  
  
Before he could take a breath in, Blaine was sobbing, stammering out apologies like he’d never get the chance again.  
  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to- I never meant for that to- I feel so-“

Kurt put a finger to his lips, and it instantly quieted him. He hadn’t been entirely sure about how he felt about what he was going to say, but once he said it, it seemed perfectly alright.  
  
“Hush, baby. Daddy loves you just the way you are, and it’s okay if you have accidents. Daddy will take care of them if you have them, okay?”

Blaine had looked at him in awe and confusion. So many questions tumbled around in his mind that he couldn’t manage to pick them apart. Instead, he dissolved into tears again, both in odd relief and some confusion. Kurt had just held him and rubbed his back.

When it had seemed that Blaine was out of tears, Kurt had spoken again.

“Blaine, can I tell you a story?” He’d asked. Blaine had nodded. “You know, you gave me a lot of signs that you wanted me to take care of you, but I didn’t recognize them until you called me Daddy. So while you were sleeping, I did some research online. There are a lot of people who feel the same way you do. And you know what? They couldn’t find one specific reason for why those people felt the way you do, so it’s okay if you don’t know why you feel that way.”  
  
“You don’t think I’m weird?” Blaine had squeaked.

“No, baby. You’re not weird. You’re just you, and I love all of you. This is just a new part of you I get to love.” Kurt had paused. “Will you let me take care of you?” Kurt had asked.

Blaine had nodded, and that had been the beginning of their beautiful new life together.


	10. Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt feeds Blaine. It leads to an interesting discussion.

With the acceptance of New Directions, and with Burt now in on the situation, Blaine has sunken further into his headspace. His little self used to be aged four or five, but now it was getting down to three, two, and occasionally one. Kurt felt slightly unprepared for this sudden turn of events, but made the best of it. He bought a bunch of new things from the store for his baby, including extra diapers (because he was getting to the point where they were necessary when he was little), a pair of footie pajamas, and most notably, a bottle.  
  
The bottle wasn’t something Blaine requested. It was merely a precaution Kurt had thought to take in lieu of Blaine’s increasingly younger age. It seemed like something handy to have around, just in case Blaine wanted to try it or an opportunity presented itself for him to see how Blaine would react to it.  
  
Today was a Daddy-Baby day for the both of them. On a bright Saturday Morning, Kurt had woken long before Blaine and had been able to enjoy a whole hour of snuggling his boy before he woke. He got Blaine and himself bathed and dressed, before deciding it was breakfast time.  
  
Now, the table is set. Kurt scurries around the Anderson kitchen, getting breakfast ready for his little boy as Blaine scribbles on a coloring page at the kitchen table, swinging his legs, as Kurt prepares breakfast. Pancakes, eggs, and a fruit salad. The pancakes were nearly ready. In the interim, Kurt plates the eggs, and puts the fruit salad on the table. Blaine looks up at that and smiles, clapping.

“Almost, baby. Daddy’s almost done.” Kurt smiles, kissing his cheek before going to get the pancakes. He takes them off of the griddle with ease, divvying them onto plates before he dresses them. He puts maple syrup on both of them, and sprinkles powdered sugar on Blaine’s like he knows he likes, before he takes the plates over to the table.   
  
Blaine immediately pushes his coloring page and crayons to the wayside at the sight of the food. He squirms a little in his chair, happy to be eating. He reaches his arms toward Kurt, and Kurt, understanding the silent gesture, pulls him into his lap.  
  
Kurt begins cutting up Blaine’s food as Blaine makes himself comfortable in his lap. Blaine has taken a liking to being fed, and Kurt wonders if today would be a good time to bring the bottle out. He doesn’t have time to dwell on it, because Blaine is hungry, and he wants his food _now_. Kurt can tell because of how squirmy he is. So he appeases Blaine with a bite of pancake, and is rewarded by a stilling of his baby in his lap, and a soft “Mmmm.”  
  
“That good, baby?” Kurt asks, kissing his cheek before getting Blaine another forkful of pancake.  
  
Blaine nods, before taking it.

Blaine had what Kurt had termed “Nonverbal days” much more often now. He didn’t enjoy talking in his headspace as much, and simply chose to let Kurt interpret his wants and needs. Kurt, tuned into him as he was, handled it with grace. It felt even more special, in a way, when words weren’t involved. The fact that they didn’t need them to actively communicate with one another somehow made things more intimate between them, and it was a special thing.  
  
Kurt alternates between feeding Blaine and himself. He was famished, but he made sure Blaine got fed first. That was his priority. But as Blaine ate, he grew more relaxed. Blaine finished rather quickly, and he could focus more attention on eating his own meal. When his plate was empty, he could say he felt satisfied.

It takes him a little while to clear the table, seeing as Blaine doesn’t want to move, but eventually he gets everything cleaned up. With that done, he leads Blaine back upstairs. Normally Blaine enjoys being carried, and Kurt enjoys carrying him (now that he’s built up the muscle necessary for it), but they both agree the stairs are too dangerous. Once they’re up the stairs though, Blaine is up on Kurt’s hip.

Kurt carries him back to his room, and sits him in his lap on the bed. He decides now may be the best time to bring up the bottle, since Blaine is relaxed.  
  
“Baby?” Kurt coos to him.

Blaine makes an acknowledging sound, staring up at Kurt.  
  
“Daddy got something new for our playtime. Daddy got you your very own Bottle. Do you want to try it and see if you like it?” Kurt asks. To Kurt’s surprise, Blaine doesn’t even hesitate to nod. Kurt smiles. “Okay, Baby. Daddy’s going to go fix you a nice bottle, and then we’ll get you fed. Okay?”  
  
Blaine nods, and Kurt goes to get the bottle filled. He heats a mug of milk in the microwave, before he pours it into the bottle using a small funnel from the kitchen. He wishes he could have had a bottle warmer to make things easier, but that wasn’t how things were. He makes a note to think about investing in a bottle warmer if things went well today. He cleans off the funnel, and puts it away, along with the mug, before screwing on the nipple of the bottle and taking it back upstairs.

Blaine is laying on the bed, suckling his favorite pacifier, as he waits for Daddy to come back. Things are very simplified in his mind. He does not think about anything other than the toys he wants to play with, his favorite pacifier, and Daddy. Things are very simple, and uncomplicated. This deep in his little space, the only things that really matter are immediate needs, wants, and (of course) Daddy. He doesn’t like when Daddy leaves for a long time, but in times like these where Daddy was getting something for him, he doesn’t mind as much.

When Daddy reenters the room, Blaine lets out a small cheer, pleased, and kicking his feet with joy. Kurt feels his heart melt in his chest at the sight, and he’s happy to see his boy happy. He comes to sit down on the bed. “Alright, baby. Into Daddy’s lap.” Kurt says, patting his legs.  
  
Blaine crawls into Kurt’s lap. That’s another thing- when he gets deep, _deep_ in his headspace, he crawls. Not a lot, not every time, but on those few occasions, it happens. Blaine moves around, getting himself comfortable as he lays in Daddy’s lap, letting Daddy support his head and upper body. Then, Daddy puts the bottle in his mouth.  
  
For a moment, Blaine doesn’t quite know what to do. But when he begins to suckle, and is rewarded with some warm milk, he finds his rhythm. It takes a few tries to get the mechanics down, but once he does, it’s incredibly relaxing. Kurt feels him sink down into his arms, melting like a puddle, and he knows instinctively that this is going to be a part of their relationship from now on.  
  
Blaine is in bliss. The warm milk tastes delicious, and the sucking motion is calming. Daddy’s strong arms are holding him, and he can hear Daddy’s heartbeat in his ears, steadily thumping and keeping him calm. He’s never felt quite so content before, nor so safe. He grabs a fistful of Daddy’s shirt, wanting to keep him close. The warm milk has chased his thirst away, he knows his diaper will protect him from any accidents, and that Daddy will protect him from anything.

The words forever played in on a loop in Blaine’s mind: _Daddy loves me and won’t let me get hurt._

With the words safe in his mind, he begins falling asleep again as the bottle is being drained. Kurt notices, watching Blaine’s eyes drooping shut constantly. He begins to hum to Blaine, and soon his little boy’s eyes are permanently shut.  
  
Kurt notes that the bottle is empty, and that his little boy is sucking on air at that point, and quickly replaces the nipple of the bottle with the teat of a pacifier. As he looks at his little boy, he thinks about how good this was for the both of them. Blaine didn’t have to speak for him to know how much he loved the experience. For Kurt, it was beautiful. There was some sort of connection he couldn’t put a name to that had been established in doing this. It was something he just couldn’t name. It was a beautiful kind of connection with his little boy that seemed to link them further emotionally than they already had been.

Kurt stares at Blaine, taking in his peaceful expression. This was his idea of perfection. His baby was happy and calm, and he was holding him. There was nothing he could imagine that would be better. And in that moment, he makes a choice.

It takes forever for Blaine to wake. At least, that’s how it feels to Kurt. Finally, though, Blaine’s green eyes flutter open. Kurt gives him a kiss.   
  
“Hey, baby. Good nap?”  
  
Blaine stretches, squirming a bit. “Wha’ time ‘sit?” He asks, before taking his pacifier out.  
  
Fortune seemed to be smiling upon him to see that Blaine’s adult mind had, if only briefly, returned. Good. Kurt needs to speak to him about something in a discussion they needed to have at this level.  
  
“It’s almost noon.” Kurt answers. “Did you have a good morning?"  
  
“The best.” Blaine smiles, and it makes Kurt grin. “I always have a good morning with you.”  
  
“Good to know.” Kurt chuckles. “I had a question for you about this.”  
  
“Shoot.”  
  
“What would you say to us doing this every weekend? If your parents are home then you could stay over at my house since my Dad knows about this. I think it could be good for you, helping you relax and all. We can still do it during the week whenever you want, of course. And obviously if you ever want to take some time out of your headspace, then we can do that too. I just want to help you feel better all of the time.”  
  
Blaine considers this a long moment, wearing his thinking face. Kurt waits. He knows this is a lot to ask, and doesn’t want to pressure him.

Blaine lets his breath in a puff. “I want to, I’m just nervous.”  
  
“About what?” Kurt asks.  
  
“I’m kind of worried about… losing control.” Blaine says, shifting a bit.  
  
“I can understand why you would be.” Kurt says after a brief pause. “But I think it’s more a matter of staying aware. As long as you stay aware of what your body is telling you, it shouldn’t be an issue.”  
  
“But it’s _hard_ , Kurt! I get so involved with whatever I’m doing that it’s hard to pay attention to anything else.” Blaine laments.  
  
“I know, Blaine. But the diapers are there to protect you from accidents. I don’t think it’s going to affect you that much. The only time you’re really hyper focused and unaware like that is when you’re in your headspace. I don’t think it’s going to affect you outside of it.”  
  
“But that’s what I mean. I know it wouldn’t affect me outside of it, but if I slip and get into it and can’t get out of it, and I don’t realize I have to go then what will I do?”

Kurt has to take a few moments to think on that, seeing as it’s a good point. “We take it as we go. That’s really all we can do. I’ll make a point of it to ask you to if you need the bathroom if you start to slip.”  
  
Blaine thinks on this a long time. It seemed logical, not too out there. Finally, he nods.  
  
“Okay. We can try it.”  
  
The two of them shared a smile. It was perfect.


	11. Cough Syrup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine is in a dark place. Kurt helps pull him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains references to self-harm and suicide. Do not read if this is triggering material for you.
> 
> The chapter title was (obviously) inspired by the song Blaine sang in the show. Love that.
> 
> Enjoy the feels.

There is an endless noise in Blaine’s mind.  
  
It’s constant, like the bleating of an alarm clock that couldn’t be turned off. Some days it’s very quiet, like a faint whisper that’s nearly unintelligible. Other days it’s an uproar in his mind like a frenzied crowd demanding mob justice. No matter how loud or quiet, the sentiment is always the same:  
  
 _You are not enough._

The words bounce around in his head as he stares at it. The silver glints in the light. The tiny razor blade, between his fingers that he twirls on occasion between them. It leaves tiny, nearly microscopic cuts, but he doesn’t mind the pain. It reminds him that he’s alive. His heart beats a little faster when he holds it. He likes the thrumming of it, like the beat of a drum gone just a bit faster.

There are very few times in which he deigns to get it out of his medicine cabinet, the single blade. He never intentionally harms himself with it, no. But on occasion, when he holds it and it actually does break the skin, he doesn’t necessarily mind the pain or the tiny crimson streams that come from the sides of his fingers when he accidentally hurts himself with it.   
  
He holds the blade as a reminder to himself. That he has the power. If he wanted to, he could very well take his life, and that would be that. But in the glint of the blade, he always sees faces of those he loves. Kurt, his mother, his brother, his friends at McKinley. He reminds himself that though he has the power to take his life, it wouldn’t just be his he’d be taking. Kurt would be devastated, completely broken at that. His mother would never recover. His brother would be a mess. His friends would be brokenhearted and downtrodden. They would all ask themselves why, what they didn’t see, the signs they missed. The blade is a reminder to not use it when he wants to.  
  
And today, he really, _really_ wants to.

It had been a simple family dinner. Mom had gotten up to do the dishes, and it had left Blaine with his father, who was home on a rare week at home. This was always dangerous territory. His mom acted as a buffer between him and his father. She always had some kind of instinct that told her when to change subjects or insert a comment, or at least that’s how it felt to Blaine. So when she left the table, Blaine felt his sense of safety plummet down the drain alongside the dishwater.   
  
He’d settled for eating as much as he could, and taking a long time to chew. If they couldn’t talk, then perhaps all would be saved. He didn’t want to spend rare time with his dad saying or hearing things he would regret or ruminate over for months or years to come.  
  
Fate, unfortunately, did not favor him in that way.

“Blaine?” Todd Anderson’s voice had echoed through the walls of his soul.  
  
He’d stopped chewing, then swallowed. “Yeah, Dad?” The word felt funny in his mouth, considering who Kurt was to him, it felt odd saying that to even his biological father.  
  
“I have a business trip in South Carolina coming up and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me. It’s over the weekend so you won’t miss school.”  
  
Shock temporarily eroded Blaine’s logic, and all that came out was a surprised, “What?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to come with me on a business trip.” Todd repeated. “You could stay in the hotel on Saturday, order in room service if you like, and Sunday we could go to church in the morning.”  
  
The gears began to turn in his head about church. A few things clicked into place. His mother enjoyed church and had taken him as a little boy, and he was still a part of that congregation, all of whom had been supportive of his coming out. But his father, who never went to church, taking him to one in the deep south was a red flag.   
  
“You want to take me to church?” He said slowly, a little confused.  
  
“Yes. I go to South Carolina often for business and a colleague of mine told me about his church several months back. I went to services one morning and I thought you might enjoy it.”  
  
“I’m not understanding something. Why are you asking me _now_? I mean, not that I don’t appreciate it, but you’ve never really gone to church that I can remember.”  
  
“I thought it might be a nice change of pace from your usual Sunday activities.” He said. “I met with the preacher. He’s very-“

“ _Preacher?_ ” Blaine echoed, desperately hoping this wasn’t going where he thought it was going.

“Yes. The church is an older one. He’s very nice. I thought you might enjoy talking to him.”  
  
Blaine knew the next word was in dangerous territory, but he couldn’t stop himself from saying it. “About what?”  
  
Todd Anderson shifted a bit in his chair. That alone answered Blaine’s question, but still the elder Anderson felt the need to speak. “I thought you might like to speak with someone about your… Problem.”  
  
There it was. Plain as day.  
  
“You mean my being gay.” Blaine said bluntly.  
  
“Yes.”

“Dad, I’m not going with you to South Carolina to get lectured by some preacher about going to hell.”

“I didn’t mean-“

“I’m happy where I am and with who I am. As far as I’m aware, you’re the only one who has a problem with it.”  
  
“Now that’s not true.”  
  
Blaine had sighed. “Yes Dad, it is. We both know it. We both know you’ve been uncomfortable with my sexuality from day one, and it would be nice if you could at least just own up to it. I get it, you don’t like it and you wish I was straight like Cooper, but I’m not. And if you are uncomfortable, then just say so. At least give me the respect of being honest with me about it. I’ve had way too many people lie to my face about their feelings and I just don’t want it here at home.”  
  
Todd had set down his fork. “Fine. It is uncomfortable for me. But you can’t expect me to just sit here and do nothing about it.”  
  
“I’m asking too much of my father to accept me for who I am?” He’d repeated, angry and somewhat hurt.

“You’re asking me to accept that all of the dreams I had for you when you were born are completely different. I’m never going to get to meet your girlfriend, or hold a grandchild that’s genetically half you. I’m never going to help you solve relationship problems or pass on my wisdom about women to you. I’m never going to get to watch the way your eyes light up when you see your bride walk down the aisle.”  
  
“You could meet my boyfriend.” Blaine countered. “I could still have a child through a surrogate someday. You could ask about my relationship problems, or pass on your wisdom about love in general, but you won’t because you’re never here. And you could have watched me walk down the aisle to my future husband someday, but I think you just blew your chance at an invite.” He’d said thickly, and gotten up from the table.  
  
“Blaine? Blaine!”

The calls of his name had followed him up the stairs, but he’d shut the door on them, and let the tears ooze down his face.

The only thing louder than the voice in his head yelling at him that he wasn’t enough was the ensuing argument between his parents downstairs that was so loud it could have shaken the whole house- and did when the front door slammed shut, indicating his father’s exit. His mother had come upstairs to comfort him, carding her fingers through his gelled hair, but he hadn’t felt comforted. He’d only felt numbness, that hadn’t let his emotions sink in. When they did, depression had seeped in, along with the hurt and anguish.  
  
And now, he sat here, blade between his fingers, as he thought of the many people who would be affected by if he hurt himself.

Part of him wants to call Daddy. He wants to so badly, to have Daddy come over and hold him and tell him he loved him and that everything will be okay. But he can’t, because his mother is home. He really wants to hear Daddy’s voice though.  
  
He puts the blade on his dresser, and picks up his phone, opening up his text messages and pulling up Kurt. His thumbs hovered above the keyboard on his phone, unsure of what to write. Then, he begins typing.

 _Daddy, I need you, but Mama’s home. Can I call you? I want to hear your voice.  
  
_ He hits the send button, and is rewarded with a set of gray dots appearing almost instantly. Not even a minute later, the text appears.

_Can you talk about what happened when you call me or do you need to talk to me about it here?_

Blaine immediately replies back.

_Here please, Daddy._

Kurt’s reply is just as quick.

_Daddy’s listening._

Blaine pauses, unsure of how to broach the subject. Eventually, he types out three simple words:

_He hates me._

Not even three seconds after the message is sent and read, Blaine’s phone is vibrating.

He picks it up. “Hi.” His voice is a whisper, just in case Mama was close by.

“You listen to Daddy right now, baby boy.” Daddy’s voice is a liquid sedative to him, calming him in ways he never imagined. “You are perfect just the way you are, and it doesn’t matter what he thinks. You are you, and if that’s not good enough for him, then he doesn’t matter. You are worth so much more than he gives you credit for, sweetheart. People like him only see the negative in others. If he bothered to look at you, he would see just how amazing you are. Your voice is beautiful, and you have such a good heart. You’re always thinking about others, and you have a smile that could light up the sky. You’re smart and enthusiastic, and you’re always looking for the best in people. I know it doesn’t take away the hurt from what he said, baby. I know. But you’re so loved and accepted by so many others that he’s just one black speck in a sea of white light. Do you want me to come over tonight after your Mama goes to bed?”  
  
“Yes please.” He says quietly.

“Okay, baby. Just let me know when, and I’ll be on my way. We can talk for as long as you want until then, on the phone or over text.” Kurt promises.

“Okay.” Blaine says, and feels just a tiny bit better.  
  
They talk only for a short while. It’s pretty much a one sided conversation because Blaine’s responses are so short and sparse. The conversation switches to texting, and they speak of rather boring things afterward. School, Glee club, new music they’d found that they liked. Finally, Blaine hears the telltale sound of his mother’s slippers shuffling across the hardwood near his door.

“Goodnight Blaine.” She calls, poking her head through his door.

“Night Mom.” He replies.

Pam Anderson smiles apologetically to her son. He knows that smile is filled with apologies on behalf of his father, filled with all the words she wanted to say but couldn’t find, and all the wishes she had that he would feel better soon. He smiles back in acknowledgement of that, and she goes back to her room.

Blaine waits half an hour, filling the time talking with Kurt, and then carefully goes to his door, walks to his parents room, and listens for the sounds of his mother asleep. When he hears them, he goes to the living room and sits on the couch, telling Daddy to come over. Kurt promises to be there in fifteen minutes.

Blaine passes the fifteen minutes staring at the night sky through the living room window. He looks up at the moon, remembering how his mother once told him when he was a little boy that the moon could be a messenger to those you loved, and that if you told the moon something, it would tell the ones you loved that same thing. So he looks up at the moon, and wishes for Daddy to get here safely, and to not wake Mama when he came.

Soon, Blaine notices a pair of headlights coming toward his house more slowly. He knows it’s Daddy immediately, like some primal instinct. He has to yank hard on his emotions to keep himself from running for the door, flinging it open, and jumping into Daddy’s arms hysterically. Somehow, he makes himself open the door with little noise, waits for Daddy to come in, and holds his hand while going to his room. The second the door is closed, and the lights are on, Blaine flings himself into Kurt’s arms, sobbing quietly, but with as much force as Kurt had seen when he’d been wailing.  
  
Kurt doesn’t waste a moment. He pulls Blaine into his lap, and angles his body over Blaine’s, protecting him from as much as he could. It was as though he felt he could put a shield between the both of them and the outside world, and keep all of the hatred, anger, and pain of living away from Blaine just with his body. He has his lips by Blaine’s ear, whispering reassurances to him, and is rubbing his back with one hand. He thinks about getting a pacifier, but decides against it until Blaine has calmed down some more.

It takes time before Blaine is calm enough to let go of him.   
  
“Can Daddy get you a paci, sweetheart?” He cooed softly.

Blaine nods a little.  
  
As Kurt gets up to get the pacifier, a glint of silver catches his eye from the dresser. Curious, he goes over and his heart skips a beat when he sees what it is. He touches the razor blade, just to confirm it is what he thinks it is, and when he realizes it _is_ in fact a razor blade, he yanks his hand away as if it was burned. He turns to Blaine, eyes wide.  
  
“Blaine, what is this?” His voice is low, and tremulous.  
  
Blaine shifts uncomfortably at Daddy’s tone, but answers. “It’s a razor blade.” He says.  
  
“Why do you have it?”

“It’s a ‘minder.” Blaine says, voice tiny.

“A reminder of what?” Kurt’s voice is fearful, and Blaine nearly begins crying again.

“That I hafta be ‘live for you and Mama and everybody else.”  
  
Kurt is nearly crying as he sits next to Blaine. “You don’t want to be alive?” His voice is shaking.

“Sometimes.” Blaine is crying now.  
  
Kurt pulls him into his lap and snuggles him tightly and kisses his head, tears streaming down his face. “I want you to be alive,baby. I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re my whole world, and I want to have a life with you when we’re out of school. I keep thinking that if I love you enough you’ll love yourself. You have to do it, though. I just want you to love yourself as much as I love you. You’re so precious to me, baby. And your life is precious. You’ve changed so many lives, and so many people love you. Please don’t give up, baby. Will you throw the razor blade away and pick up the phone instead if you ever feel like this again? I’ll come right over anytime you need me, I promise. But _please_ , I just want you to be safe.”

Blaine feels Kurt’s tears, and they make him cry harder. “O-Okay, Daddy. I-I’ll try.”

Kurt kisses his forehead in the most pure show of affection that he’d ever shown. “Do you want to throw it out together?” Kurt asks, still crying with his voice shaking like a leaf.

“Okay, Daddy.” Blaine is sniffling and crying.

“Okay. Can you grab it for me, and we’ll throw it out together?” Kurt has to make himself take a breath to calm down.  
  
“Y-Yeah.” He nods into Daddy’s chest. He gets up from Daddy’s lap and grabs the offending blade, not twirling it this time. He takes Daddy’s hand and they both go to Blaine’s connecting bathroom, where Blaine tosses the razor blade in the toilet. He and Daddy both put their hands on the toilet handle, and flush it, watching it go down, until the silver was gone at last.  
  
Then, they clung to one another, both crying, but better.  
  
Today, Blaine chose to live. For the moment, the voice in his head was completely stilled.


	12. Mirror Image

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine has been struggling with his self image his whole life. Luckily, Daddy understands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Y'all. Bit of an important note here before we begin.
> 
> This story was very personal to me. I spent nine years battling an eating disorder, and it could have (and almost did, for that matter) killed me. If I hadn't sought help, I likely would not be here today.
> 
> All of the behaviors mentioned in here are not to be imitated. DO NOT try them, ever. They will kill you eventually. But I have written some of them in hopes that somebody may recognize something in a loved one. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. This story was written to give voice to an issue not many talk about, as well as to speak on my own experiences and those of people I was in treatment with.
> 
> Eating disorders in relation to men are rarely discussed, so I felt it was important to give voice to the men in my reading audience. To all the guys out there who may be struggling with these issues and reading this: You all are handsome, you all are awesome, and you all deserve to eat and nourish yourselves. 
> 
> I wrote this story to try and give a voice to those who, like me, struggle to love themselves and take it out on their bodies. Whether you're anorexic, bulimic, a binge eater, a night eater, or even OSFED (other specified feeding or eating disorder), I hope you all know that you are beautiful as you are, that you do deserve a good life full of blessings and great things, and that you absolutely, unquestionably, and undboubtedly deserve to eat and nourish yourself. And if you happen to be reading this blog post and feel as though you need permission to eat (because sometimes I still feel like that), then let it be known that you do have permission. Not just today, but everyday.
> 
> You are more than your weight, your BMI, the number of calories in a piece of food. You are more than just a body. You are a beautiful person with gifts to share with the world, and you are worthy of love. You are so important, and you are enough as you are. You deserve to eat, and to love yourself.
> 
> Thank you guys, for everything. Keep loving yourselves- because you deserve it.
> 
> My personal thanks to Rosewood Center For Eating Disorders for helping treat me and getting me to a better place with my body and myself. Special thanks to Rhea, Susan, Kiyana, Heidi, Matt, Shannon, Amanda, Sarah, Jordan, and Kayla. Thanks for helping me see outside the mirror, guys.
> 
> If you or someone you know is suffering from an eating disorder, visit https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org to find resources and help near you.

From my earliest memories, I have never wanted to be myself.  
  
I didn’t like the idea of _me. Me_ was not doing enough. _Me_ was too much. _Me_ was not right. I remember spending many hours as a child trying to figure out how to turn myself into somebody else. I fell in love with performing at an early age because of the idea that you could transform yourself into somebody completely different. It was as though the old you disappeared, completely washed away as the new one took over. I liked that idea, because I did not like myself.

I remember being four years old, playing dress-up in front of my mother’s mirror. My mom always had this huge trunk full of costumes and props and momentos from days she spent in the theatre as a teen and young adult. There were all sorts of costumes in there, from pirate hats to capes to some glittery spiked heels that I remember liking to put near the window in the afternoons to watch them cast tiny rainbows all around the room.

I remember that day, I was dressed up in a cape too long for me, and I’d put on a crown. I was a king, staring into the mirror at myself and feeling so happy. I’d done it. I’d transformed myself into somebody else. I remember that joy, that excitement and enthusiasm. I remember feeling like a superhero.  
  
But I remember the moment after even more vividly.  
  
I can remember looking down and realizing that my body- that is, the _shape_ of my body- had not changed. I remember pinching my stomach and seeing the baby fat there. I hated that it was there. I wanted it to go away, and be completely different from myself. I didn’t want to look like that. I vowed to myself that day that I would change it, that someday I would look the way I wanted to, and be somebody else completely.

That moment began a revolution inside of me. Suddenly there was a list of foods I would not eat. I hadn’t necessarily been a picky eater before, so when I suddenly outright refused some foods, my parents had thought it was a phase. I can’t say I blame them. Most kids go through a picky eating phase. Mine just hasn’t stopped yet.  
  
Suddenly, the foods on my plate became good and bad. I didn’t want them to touch each other. If they all started touching each other, then they weren’t good or bad anymore. They were _contaminated_. If some juice from some corn touched some potatoes, I could not eat the potatoes that the juice had touched. From a very young age I’ve had a difficult time with the idea of different tastes mixing together when they’re served separately. Perhaps it’s a sensory issue, or maybe it was an early warning of something potentially worse to come.

I remember going to the grocery store with my mom on Friday evenings, and looking for things that seemed like they could help me get thinner. At the age of four, I knew how to ask about things while hiding the real issue. That is the blessing and the curse of growing up in a family of performers- you learn how make a mask for yourself. You know how to hide what you’re really after. I’d been careful to ask my Mom about how a model on TV looked like that. My mother- bless her, she had no idea what was going on- told me that she ate a lot of healthy foods and exercised a lot. Whenever I went to the store with my Mom, I asked her what foods were healthy and I tried them all, even though some of them I didn’t like.  
  
Okay, _most_ of them I didn’t like.  
  
I began to run around the backyard, and swim for a long time every day, desperate to get off that baby fat. Whenever I’d get done, I’d pinch my stomach to see if the fat was still there. I still have the bad habit of doing it even now.  
  
As I grew older, and got taller, the baby fat disappeared, but I couldn’t see that. When I looked in the mirror, my brain still saw that baby fat there, whether it was really there or not. I realized that I needed to do more to make it go away. I began a diet at the age of thirteen. Just cutting out sugars and fats. It wasn’t anything drastic, nor was it cause for concern. I remember weighing myself every day to see if the number on the scale had changed any. I worked out, and ate healthy. I got into boxing, and kept swimming, even doing it competitively. To the outside world, nothing had changed.  
  
But something _had_ changed- inside me, and even I didn’t realize it at the time.

I was turning into someone I didn’t even recognize. I was becoming driven, ambitious, compulsive in my behavior. Without even realizing it, I started cutting more out of my diet when I didn’t feel it suited me. I used studying for school as an excuse to skip meals. I was growing thinner, bonier, more angular. Thin fur was growing to cover my body. I could count all my ribs.

I grew stranger still. At the smell of fast food, I grew light headed, and nearly passed out more than once. It made me so hungry, and my mouth, my brain, my stomach all wanted it so badly. My mouth remembered the taste of tacos with extra cheese and sour cream, and cheeseburgers with all the trimmings. It wanted all those things back, even when I wouldn’t allow myself the luxury of having it.

Then came the incident at my old school.

I woke up in the hospital two days after, with two broken ribs, a black eye, and my mother looking incredibly angry at me.  
  
The doctor’s lab tests had shown anemia, dehydration, and low blood pressure. Add that to thebluish discoloration of my fingers and the fine, downy lanugo hair that had grown all over my body, and he’d diagnosed me with Anorexia Nervosa while I’d been unconscious. She’d torn me a new one about not taking care of myself, and then broke down crying when she told me I needed to go into treatment. I’d never seen my mother cry apart from that day, and it scared me into going. She’d assured me that I could pick up school again once I was better, and off I went, nothing with me but a suitcase, a bandaged ribcage, and the culmination of a lifetime of bad eating habits.

I don’t remember the name of where I went. My mind has always been adept at picking up small details instead. I remember the clay colored walls, the hospital-like beds. The Gazebos that everyone would gather under in the afternoon.I recalled the beeping of the vital machines that checked my heartbeat and blood pressure. Most of all, I remember that we were not allowed privacy in the bathrooms. When we went to the restrooms, the stall doors had to be kept open, and a member of the staff had to be watching us to be sure we weren’t throwing up. The bathrooms were locked thirty minutes after snacks and an hour after meals. There was no way to make yourself sick on their watch.

It was not for lack of trying.

Anorexics like me were not the only ones there. There were binge eaters, who could not stop eating. There were night eaters, who often ate while asleep and were very overweight. There were bulimics- who ate everything in sight before throwing it up- who tried to find places to vomit. Some tried in the plants. Some tried to do it in the dirt and cover it up. Even those who could Purge on command didn’t get the chance. The staff patrolled the grounds like guard dogs, and would physically pull their heads up and hold their mouths shut to keep the food in. I remember asking once if that was illegal. I believe the response I got was “It’s somewhat like when doctors hold down a seizing patient trying to save their life. They’re doing it for the greater good.” I wasn’t too sure how I felt about that. The ones who they’d actually done that to, I’d learned later on, were at a high risk for cardiac arrest. Their electrolyte levels were so imbalanced that they were monitored constantly to be sure they didn’t have a heart attack.

In my time there, I’d seen girls and even a few boys with feeding tubes in their stomachs. I’d seen people who tried to be sick in a “healthy” way- drinking flavored water with electrolytes to keep their levels balanced, drinking plenty of water not to get dehydrated, eating something right before they think they’re going to pass out so they never hit that point. But it didn’t change the fact that they were still sick.

I was suddenly, painfully aware that I was sick too.

The days in treatment are a blur, but I remember going to group therapy, and individual therapy. I remember speaking of coping strategies, and the daily visits with my assigned physician, psychiatrist, and dietician. They made a meal plan for me. It was strange to me to have something planned so carefully for me, to see the effort somepony else was putting into my body.

Something changed in me in treatment. For the life of me, I don’t know what it was. I suddenly was gripped by the realization that there was more to life than just being fat or thin. My quest for perfection was something that could only end in my death. It startled me, frightened me. I’d had nightmares about it, for which my psychiatrist gave me an oblong pink pill that I took each night. I opened up about myself in group therapy, to my therapist. I talked about how my brother had been critical and domineering to me as a child. I spoke about my father’s constant absences, and his disdain for my sexuality. I spoke of my Mother trying to keep a family together that seemed to be falling apart at the seams. I spoke of the first time I realized I was fat- and cried the whole time.

The more I’d talked, the easier it had become to do so. I’d begun tackling the issues of my need to be perfect, my need to be the best at everything, my hypercriticism of myself, and my inability to (in this respect) look outside of myself. In doing so, I’d found that food became less frightening. I began to eat again, and learn to enjoy food again. My parents and my brother came to visit for friends and family day, and I’d hugged them all, so happy that they hadn’t given up on me. It was my Mom who told me that no matter what I was going through, they’d all still be there in my corner, cheering me on. When she told me that, I knew I could beat this.

Three months later, I came out healthier than I had been in a long time. It was when I came back that my parents told me they’d decided to transfer me to Dalton Academy, in light of all the bullying that had happened. I’d been both relived and scared at the idea, but once I got there and joined The Warblers, things were infinitely better. And then I met Kurt, and things were perfect.

But just because I came out eating, almost normally, didn’t mean my struggles were over. I still had issues with food. My habits were so ingrained that it took a lot to just to try eating normally. I told Kurt all about it, of course. We spoke a few times about it before I went to his prom last year. It hasn’t come up too often between then and now, but some days those old habits come up for me again.

Today was one of those days. I’d been struggling with eating all through the school day. Kurt had noticed- of course he had- and had suggested we have a picnic later on, with him promising to make some of my favorites.

He’d promised to do a picnic at his house, so I went there after school, nervous and fidgety. The idea of eating was making me this way. Food makes me nervous in the sense that I’m always very aware of my past history with it. There are very few times when I’m not. One of the few times I’m not, though, is when I’m little. Things are so much simpler, so much easier that way. It’s as if all of my past struggles with it just melt away. Maybe because when I’m that way I get to an age where none of that has happened yet. When I’m that way, I have no regret, no bad habits, and no fear of what I’m putting in my body.

I park my car outside the house, and go inside. Kurt has left the door unlocked for me. I’ll have to thank him for that later. Burt isn’t home for now, though Finn is, judging from the music coming from the walls. I pass directly through the living room and the kitchen and go out to the backyard.  
  
Kurt is there, waiting for me. There’s tartan blanket with a red and white checkered pattern laid out on the grass, with him sitting on it, a picnic basket nearby, emptied of it’s contents, with two plates, a vase of flowers, and a spread of sandwiches, muffins, potato salad, cookies, and some strawberries dipped in chocolate. My stomach growls, and I know I’m supposed to listen for my hunger cues, but all my brain is thinking about is all of the calories in that food. The mental abacus in my head is ticking away. Turkey sandwich with cheese and mayo on white bread- 265 calories. Blueberry muffin, 426. Potato salad, 357. Chocolate chip cookie, 78. Chocolate covered strawberry, 57. 265 + 426 + 357 + 78 + 57= 1183 calories.

Utter horror.

I try and focus on the gesture, which in itself is beautiful, but my brain can’t stop fixating on the amount of calories in the food, so the smile I give Kurt is brittle and insincere, and I know _he_ knows it.

I force myself to move forward, even though my legs feel like lead weights. When I finally sit across from Kurt I’m both relieved and terrified. The combination is strange.

Kurt speaks before I can even take in a breath. “It’s just a picnic, Blaine. The food isn’t going to hurt you, I swear. I’d never do anything to hurt you.” He promises.  
  
I know it’s true, and I know he’d never do anything to hurt me, but my brain won’t shut up about how the food is going to make me fat. I shift uncomfortably in my seat. “I know. I just… I can’t turn it off.”  
  
“Calories are just fuel for your body, they’re not the antichrist.” It’s supposed to be a reminder.

“I-I know… But… I just…” I bury my face in my hands. I can’t put into words how I feel. The fear, the anger, the utter panic. I don’t know how to not be like this. I just want to be able to eat like a normal person, and the fact that I can’t is so _frustrating_. I wish I could turn off the calorie calculator in my brain, and stop the image of myself with a gut that would rival Santa Claus’. I just wish I could make it stop.

“Baby?” Kurt’s voice is gentle.

The way he says it activates a switch inside my brain. Normally being little is something I just slide into, but sometimes, it doesn’t quite happen that way. Sometimes it’s like a switch. One second I’m big, and then I’m little. That’s how it is now.  
  
I look up. Daddy is staring at me kindly. I know what Daddy wants, but it’s so hard to give him that.  
  
“Daddy… I can’t.” My voice is small.

“Yes you can, sweetheart. Daddy knows it’s hard, but we’ll do it together, okay?” His voice is so soft and it makes me feel better, safer.

“Okay.”  
  
“Do you want Daddy to cut your sandwich in half and you can just eat one triangle and see how you feel?”  
  
I smile. Daddy knows triangles taste better, and I love that. “Yes please, Daddy.”  
  
“Okay.” Daddy smiles, and pulls a butter knife from the picnic basket to cut my sandwich. I feel better already.  
  
Daddy cuts my sandwich into triangles, and even cuts the crust off ‘cause he knows I like it that way. Then, he gets himself a sandwich in triangles.

“Ready to take a bite?” Daddy asks.  
  
I’m a little scared, but I nod anyways. I feel brave and scared all at the same time. Daddy takes a bite of his sandwich, and then he looks at me. It’s reassuring. I slowly lift the sandwich to my mouth and take a bite, and slowly start to chew. It tastes good, and I feel a little better.

“Good?” Daddy looks at me to make sure I’m okay.

I smile. “Good!”

Daddy relaxes and gives me a smile that makes me feel all squirmy happy inside. I take another bite of my sandwich, and Daddy smiles more. It makes me want to eat more sandwich. Soon, the whole triangle is gone, and I get the other one to eat. While I eat that, Daddy gets me a little potato salad and a muffin. I know I’m hungry now, and I feel better now that I’m eating. When my other triangle is done, I have some potato salad. It tastes good too. Daddy always makes sure I eat everything that’s in my meal plan. I eat a muffin after that, and then a strawberry, and my cookie last. Daddy always makes sure I eat my dessert last.  
  
“Good job, baby! You ate all your food! I’m so proud of you!” Daddy leans over and kisses my cheek.

I giggle. Daddy always makes me happy when he gives me kisses. But now that it’s over, there’s something else I want.  
  
“Bottle, Daddy?” I always like when Daddy feeds me bottles.

Daddy gets in the picnic basket again and pulls one out. “I thought you might ask.” Daddy’s smiling.

I squeal. Daddy pats his lap, and I crawl around the picnic basket and over to Daddy to lay in his lap. I get snuggled in, and Daddy puts the bottle to my lips. I suckle on it instinctively. The milk is cold instead of warm like usual. Since we’re outside it feels nice.  
  
Daddy’s talking to me. I’m not really paying ‘tention to what he’s saying, but I like listening to Daddy’s rumbly voice.  
  
_Thump-Thump. Thump-Thump. Thump-Thump._

Daddy’s heartbeat is in my ear, and it makes me feel safe. My eyes are closing.

“Sleep, baby.” Daddy’s voice is in my ear, and he gives me another kiss.

I sigh. “Love you, Daddy.”  
  
“I love you too, sweetheart.” He whispers.  
  
I fall asleep, full and happy at last.


End file.
